#117: MegaZega

Now that I've left those who are normal to try and fully grasp #116: The Mythlihood for a few days, I think it's about time to get back into the swing of things. Ladies and gentlemen, MegaZega, also know as my imaginary crime-fighting persona. But in the JC-Verse, he's much different. Flipping, flying and wooshing through the flashing neon thoroughfares of nighttime Tokyo, the crime-crushing crew called the Bamurai needs (just as any hero group does) a leader. What better leader than MegaZega, also known as Renn Clars! (Renn Clars is also the name that I plan to use to mislead telephone solicitors as an adult, by the way.) Equipped with an arsenal of glowing super-duds, this kung-fu protagonist sends the thugs of Japan running. I was going to dress up as him and defend against the local pranking delinquents this Halloween, but my folks ixnayed the idea. Something about "safety."

#116: The Mythlihood

I'm trying to get my most-viewed post, Jimmy Talon, to be shown on the Tonight Show, considering my Fallon fandom. Jimmy, if you're reading this, I'm putting my hat in the ring for a space in the mono. Okay, here's my new post: the Mythlihood! (Brace yourself, it's a biggy.) Long ago in the JC-Verse, there lived the Overlords of Mythlihood, an order of cloaked beings who kept the inner-verse in balance for several millennia. But alas, they were ixnayed by the Doom Lord Zoo'oz when their secret location was leaked. (Here's where it gets crazy, folks, if cloaked overlords in outer space wasn't crazy enough.) But before they were killed, they declared a prophecy that would be set in stone: (Ahem!) "A pink and purple cow of honor, shall save the universe from being a goner, she shall come and stop the bad, from destroying it all and making things sad. But wait, the mission will end in tombstones, if she decides to go it alone, today it was said as dying we stood, that she'll need to rebuild the Mythlihood." I know. Crazytown. Now, in the 21st Century, it is time for this to come true. Here comes #91: Zowie Cowy, #69: SkyStar, #75: The Magnificent Twimbley, #8 (2013): Juppies, and #113: Wiz Clohnson. Together they are, the Mythlihood! You're goin' down, Zoo'oz. It's about to get real.

BAD-OFF: ROUND III

                         CLICK TO ENLARGE

(Cue announcer voice, please.) Lllllladies and gentlemen, it's time for a BAD-OFF! In this corner of the poster, flying here all the way from Pupilon, the ready-to-rumble retina himself, the Evil Eye! (imaginary cheers.) And over in this corner, looking to pluck that pupil off the podium, is the bad guy Britt with a frightening wit, the Impossible! (More imaginary cheers.) Too villains, only one victor. So, let's get ready for EVIIIILLLL!!!

DOUG JOURNAL PROTOTYPE

Keep in mind this is just a prototype done with the assistance of Photoshop. The real cover will be posted once I've got the proper supplies. (And once I've written it.)

#115: Saint

Not to be confused with his distant descendant, Jack Skellington.

I recently started penning the 80-something-year-old journal of #100, Doug. It contains a young Farfeather's accounts of the volatile Cossterian War, along with his escapades of being a part-time inventor. There will be hardship and patinas, folks. Anywhoosers, here's a new post: Saint! Long ago in the kingdom of Everantle, this name was known widely across the lands, from the wealthy kingdom to the tiny little Shmobbit houses. It belonged to Saint Strikens, one of the many ruffians, thugs and hooded loners you could find at the nearest Inn of the Pillaging Pony. Equipped with a bow, arrow and scary-pants appearance, the man was a legend of the medieval world among such people as the Knights of the Round Ladle. (The character was actually created by my dad, AKA the Last Swaggon, back in his board-game questing days. Most of the design was described to me by him. The Illuminati symbol was my idea, though.)

#114: Nathan Utterson/ The Impossible

Sorry about the cliffhanger on that last post. I plan to make up for it with this one. Everybody loves a good super-villain! Except for the superheroes. Here's my new character: Nathan Utterson. Anyone who's read The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde knows that where there's Jekyll and Hyde, James Utterson, upright Victorian lawyer and investigator of the case, isn't but a hop, skip and a jump behind. Well, the same goes with the JC-Verse's own Ultimate Hyde. Nathan Utterson, the latest descendant of Utterson, was once just a high-up Jekyll employee and Charles' best friend. "Science bros!" the two would proclaim with a pump of fists. But once Charles became Ultimate Hyde and seemed to replace the guy with his sidekick Wendell Nimbit, Nathan's true colors were revealed. So, after the injection of a few mutated Hyde genes, he became the stretchy beast, the Impossible! He can go and get all the evil power he wants. Still got the sideburns.

#113: Wiz Clohnson

Hey, guys. I've been working on stuff for my Jacob's Characterz! film adaptions set for about, say, 30 years from now. I have lots of time to prepare, and to sue the thorax off of anyone who tries to steal the ideas. *does an "I'm watching you" gesture towards computer* Anyway, here's my new character: Wiz Clohnson! (Go ahead, laugh. We all do it.) Back in 2005 (the 4th year of my life and one that sadly lacked Pixar films), lived Wiz, a nerd just out of high school and watching Napoleon Dynamite way too much. Coming from a line of smarties, Wiz was pressured to be the same while he knew he was destined to use his cranium for more. And then ... well, I can't really tell you yet. I don't want to spoil everything. Just know that it will all make perfect sense later on. Cross my heart and hope to run Disney.

(Shirt inspired by Star Trek. Good thing I didn't make it red. We all know how that ends.)

#112: Napoleon Synthitite

Hey, guys. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of watching The Princess Pride, a favorite of my parents and my friend/geek queen, the Filminator. Just because I liked the movie a lot doesn't mean I have to stop calling the main character "mini-stache". Now, here's a new character: Napoleon Synthitite! (Don't confuse him with Napoleon Dynamite or he'll chop your head off.) Since the odds are you haven't been to the JC-Verse, I should probably tell you that synthitites are frighteningly-realistic robots created by the government for missions that human agents can't complete. Well, when it was created, they probably didn't expect the technology to be used by evil to bring back a most powerful foreign leader. Unfortunately not Vader. We're talking Bonaparte, peeps. Sword-fingered, angry and just as short as the original, the new Napoleon reeked havoc in the European streets until being defeated by Ultimate Hyde. Interesting fact: some synthitites hide in wax museums until ready for government use. So that wax Elvis you saw that one time might be rescuing captives right now. Consider yourself educated.

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #10

(#111, 2014)

#111: Ultimate Hyde

Hey, guys. Sorry for not blogging in the past few days. I blame school, Saturday Gmailing sessions with Elizabeth and Lord of the Rings. I meant to blog yesterday, but completing this sketch was no small task. Ladies and gentlemen, Ultimate Hyde! When Charles Jekyll, scientist and head honcho of Jekyll Enterprises, found out he inherited the Mr. Hyde gene that had plagued his family for over 100 years, he knew exactly how he would kick the bucket. But luckily, any babillion-aire genius with science at his disposal could avoid the kicking of said bucket. Just ask Stark. So after hours of experimentation and a few decently-sized KABOOMs, Charles found a way to control his monstrous alter-ego and is now running through the cobblestones, fighting nightly crime as the Ultimate Hyde! Imagine the Royal Family's faces as the green-skinned vigilante flung past them in an instant, snatching a crumpet clean out of one of their hands. It's America's Funniest Home Videos worthy.

#110: Squirmzilla

Shmaloha, sanvana! That's Jupptongue for "Hello, friends!" I figured speaking the native dialect of the Juppies (SEE #8, 2013) would be an interesting way to open today's post. See? Aren't you glad you read on and didn't go away thinking that I fell asleep with my head on the keyboard? Anyway, here's my new character: Squirmzilla! Remember in the #29: PowerPlant post when I said that a giant worm came from the same radioactive garden as him, but that's a whole other thing? Welcome to a whole other thing! Weeks after the PowerPlant incident, a mild-mannered worm wandered into the compost and became the monstrous creature called Squirmzilla! The 50-foot gearth-worm squirmed up the Empire State Building, terrifying the people of 5th Avenue. It was larger than life, even though the common worm's lifespan is only 4-8 years in field conditions. Thank you, interwebs.

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #9

(#105, 2014.)

#109: Pluto the Decreased

Two little Roman guys in a row. What are the odds? Here's my latest character: Pluto the Decreased (pronounced DEE-KREES-ID). Like basically all planets, Pluto was named after the Roman god of the underworld of the same name. But why was such a small heavenly body named after the deadliest dude of Olympus? Simple answer. Tiny god, tiny bod. Despite his apocalypticly stormy disposition and fire orbs, Pluto was actually only 2 and 1/2 feet tall! Hiding in exile from the mocking Olympians he once called his people, the bite-sized lord ruled in his beefed-up booster chair throne, walking on the heads of his followers to seem taller. The cartoon dog is much friendlier.

#108: Sal

Hey, guys. I have challenged my dad (the Last Swaggon) to a whip cream duel on Friday because of him offending me with his hate-crime impersonation of Bill Cipher. The good thing is that I can cross "Slapping someone about the face and shoulders with a white glove" off my bucket list. Anyway, here's my new character: Sal. Social studies is one of my favorite subjects in school and the other day I was wondering: who cleaned up all the offerings to the gods after everyone left the temple? Well, you can find an answer to almost anything in the JC-Verse. It was a little Roman janitor named Sal. Equipped with a broom, overalls made out of ancient fabrics and a Napoleon complex before Napoleon even existed, he swept away the handouts to Olympus including cheese, grapes and the occasional gallus domesticus. This job continued in his family tree for years until one descendant decided to go off into the direction of plumbing and fighting Bowser.

HAPPY MAGIC: THE DESK

This was meant to be posted yesterday, but it wasn't able to be due to music problems, video deletion and arguments with the star. Zowie Cowy was saying she sold her image exclusively to some steakhouse in Burbank.

#107: The Dark Lizard (DUN DUN DUN)

I will now blog to the tune of the old Austin and Ally song that is engraved into my brain thanks to Disney's mid-week nothing-but-reruns period. Come to me, Marvel's Agents of Shield!!! Anyway, here's my new character: the Dark Lizard. As you can probably infer from the triple-DUNs in the title, he's not a good guy. Back in the days of the early-to-mid 1900s, he was an innocent monkey, living his life in the Animaland state of Kraft. But eventually, he was driven to the depths of evilness when he became jealous of #100, Doug, and tried to outdo the guy by supplying himself with the same powers. A few Quantum Crystals later, serious species flip-flop. Now he is the Dark Lizard, cold-blooded creep and wronger of rights, hiding out in his mountain-top lair. A pretty long way of saying "No, Mom, it's not a drawing of a scarecrow."

#106: DiAndre

Hey, guys. Here's my new character: DiAndre. For those of you who remember Doug, the centennial super-bear from collection #2, it's obvious that he should have a right-hand man, right? A Robin to his Batman, a Phineas to his Ferb. Well, he does. Enter DiAndre, the thing in the chest. Hiding away in Doug's inter-dimensional limbo/storage area, or "inventory," this enigmatic octo-creature acts as the galactic grizzly's security, receptionist, square dance partner and, most of all, friend. He also shares his name with a half-camel-half-alpaca I plan to breed one day as my pet. I'm not insane. I just want a calmaca.