#261: Daemon: The .006-Million-Dollar Mandroid

     Do you know that Spongebob used to be good? Seriously, I've recently managed to stumble upon some clips from the beginning of its run via the world-wide web, and as a baby of 2001, I am totally dumbfounded. Pretty sure I'll be binging seasons 1-3 as part of my animationducation along with Batman: TAS. Man, the Instagrammers were actually right. The '90s were a superior time. Really, though, I should probably get to the character now. So, ladies and gents, I present to you . . . Daemon, the .006-Million-Dollar Mandroid! Ah, 1960-something. A time when the Space Race was a-blazin', and the hippies were frequently a-lazin'. Not a soul was a-lazin' at [Redacted] Labs, however, for the covert government establishment's top noggins were hard at work on something revolutionary. Blueprints were scattered about, and the plan in place dealt with a variety of pieces: a mannequin, a lot of titanium, and a sharp persian blue suit and matching tie, among other things. Putting all this together along with the finishing touch--a computer so high-tech that it wouldn't be on the market for another 20 years--and what they had was . . . *inhales* the 1st ever fully-fancy, functional-to-a-tee, emotive-to-a-point, post-modernish mandroid for espionage escapades! And that mandroid's name . . . was 528885. But to his buddies he was Daemon. With a Self-Sustaining Scorchy Gun™ for sticky confrontations, a keyboard built into his ribcage, and a British accent programmed for optimal spy-iness, Daemon the .006-Million-Dollar-Man went forth outwitting sinister Soviets as yesterday's spy of tomorrow . . . today! (Note: sorry if this post was a bit shorter and less JC-Verse-connected than usual. I wanted it to kinda stand as its own little chuckle-worthy entity.)

(Sorry that the chap didn't slap on a smile for the occasion. I did say emotive-to-a-point, mind you.)

GO SEE KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS.

     Seriously, it's amazing. Go see it. Not kidding.

#260: The Crew of the Lurching Draconian

     Yes, I know I am the dummkopfiest of all currently-existing dummkopfs for not posting in 21 Earth-days. Yet, I don't know the exact number of sorrys necessary to apologize for it. So, since I'm doubtful there's an equation to deduce that sort of thing, here's 40 of them. Just to be safe:

Alrighty, hopefully that's resolved. Moving on. Before we get started, I want to say that I HAVE been working on things in the bazillion days since my previous post. I just . . . can't really say what they are yet. I guess only time will tell. That snitch. Now, onto the character(s): the crew of the Lurching Draconian! Odds are that you fine folks aren't familiar with the Lurching Draconian. Nor do I expect you to be. So, plop yourselves down all comfy-like, because it's time for a tale . . . of the good old-fashioned "alien ghost pirates" variety! It all started a good couple centuries ago, on the quaint JC-Verse planet of Kazemboo. Kazemboo was surrounded in every direction by bussling imperial planets lightyears ahead of them in terms of tech, and this didn't bode well for the guys. So, in a desperate attempt to protect themselves from their neighbors, the Kazem empress Jattā͔hweh decided to enact an ancient spell. One that made dead people not so dead anymore. So, when the battalion ships of one such neighboring planet, Jarlon, finally did arrive, the empress unleashed her new army of reanimated warriors on them. But even with such fear-inflicting and admittedly shnasty soldiers fighting for them, the Kazem people were soon defeated, with only three of the undead having survived. But right when they were about to meet their doom at the business ends of some battalion blasters, those three surrendered, and brought forth a deal: getting to keep their rotting bodies intact, in exchange for becoming slaves. The Jarlonian attackers gladly accepted, and brought the trio aboard one of their ships heading homebound. End of the story, yes? Yes . . . for the Jarlonian crew, anyway. *insert finger-across-the-neck sound effect here* Now with a swaggy ship and arsenal of weapons at their disposal, the undead outlaws took to the far reaches of the JC-cosmos, pursuing interplanetary riches as the famed and frightening crew of the "Lurching Draconian!" (Boom. Alien ghost pirates.)

( RIGHT TO LEFT: Challik, Captain Zarr and "Zatoo", nicknamed after a Kazem word meaning "socket" for . . . obvious reasons.)