#172: Victor Licktenshtein III

You know you're good-weird when you, your sister and your friend play Apocalypse for fun. Okay, speaking of that friend, time for another character from the mind of Sophie the Insane: Victor Licktenshtein III (because he killed 3 of his wives, not because he's the third person with that name)! We silly people think that when you go to Russia you have to answer to Putin. Vic-Lic says nay! In actuality, you answer to the King. Living in the great freezing domain of Mother Russia, he lives off the yak. That outfit? 50% yak fur. That drink? 90% yak milk. That yak? 100% yak (it's name is Slovakia). Ruling from his mighty mountain palace, the royal Ruski is the highest-up of all the land's officials, and is still searching for the true meaning of life and a better way to milk the yak. His national anthem: "yakky-yakky-milky-milk, yakky-yakky-milky-milk, yakky-yakky-milky-milk, yakky-yakky-milk-milk."

MY DAY AT WONDERCON

ME & ABBY WITH ALEX HIRSCH (AKA THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE)

Hey, guys. Yesterday was WonderCon, and as you can infer by the picture above, it was ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR! While I would love to tell you, I think it would be better to just show you:

ME IN MY STAR-LORD DUDS WITH WIRT

WATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

MY PEEPS

ME WITH THE BEST AGENT CARTER THERE (MY SISTER)

BAD-OFF SEMI-FINALZ

CLICK TO ENLARGE

He is a galaxy-destroying menace from the other side of the JC-Verse. The other is a ruthless reptile and enemy of Doug. Only one of them will make it to the final battle with the worst of all JC-Verse baddies,             (I can't let you guys know everything!). The other one will be even more ticked off than he usually is. Now, ladies and gentlebloggers, let's get ready for EVIIIIIIL!!!! *Note: since we're nearing the end, I suggest you go back and refresh yourself on these two guys. I want this thing to be fair even if the actual competitors aren't.*

#171: Codex: Most Powerful Nerd in the JC-Verse

Liking the new blog picture at the top? I think my art supplies need a few days off after that. Alright, here's my new character: Codex! Living in San Juan Soso, California, Sherman "Codex" Brown was always the unpopular runt of the litter, while all the other kids had clustered into their own cliche teenage factions. But while these other kids spent their time taking selfies, talking about those selfies and getting into fights over who's selfie was more "on fleek," Codex spent his time from then on honing his skills on the computer. Wait, runt of the litter, thought to be a loser, gets technological advances . . . this is starting to sound a heck of a lot like the tale of SkyStar, isn't it? Well, who do you think created the video game world of the Virtuality and everyone in it, including SkyStar? BAM. You're looking at him. Having figured out how to manipulate pixelated space by the time he was old enough to drive, ol' Codex the Creator made the Virtuality and based its biggest hero on himself. That, my friends, is why he is the most powerful nerd in the JC-Verse. But never call him a geek. It offends him. He thinks they're just "showy nerds."

I, SMART ALEK, AM ANNOYED.

I. Am. Dis. Pleased. I am the great and powerful Smart Alek of the Chajascaki Dimension and I get 2 VIEWS on this pathetic blogosphere! So now I'm blowing you all up. And giving the human race a scathing review on Yelp. The bomb shall blow in T-minus - wha - wait - what are you doing to - noooooooooo! Howdy, blogsters! Doug Farfeather here. Smart Alek is currently unavailable, considering the fact I just put a snooze hex on him that will last just about as long as it takes me to get him back to the Chajascaki. I apologize for what happened today. He is a frightening lad with a frightening taste in 1980s music. My pal Jacob will be returning shortly from his darn busy schedule to introduce ya to a new character. Also, I disabled the bomb! Boy, that woulda been a mess. Now, I'll leave you on a joyous note:

BETWEEN-RANT PARTY

Hello, mindless phonedrones. It is once again I, Smart Alek. I feel that between my genius installments on this webular page, you and your feeble minds might need a breather. So, with that in mind, I give you this. A, how you say, partay session to this delightful melody I discovered roaming the internet. Funny, I built my kingdom on the principles of pure evil, but I suppose "rock & roll" works as well. I might try that when I build my kingdom on this little Milky Way hotspot once I take over.

MAKING A CASE FOR WHY I SHOULD BE YOUR DICTATOR

So, now that I have taken over Wimpy McPixarboy's blog, I will make good use of it. I've already ruled the Chajascaki Dimension for countless years and I am getting quite bored. So, while I'm here, I might as well take this planet over! Unfortunately, I left my army of Tentaclopses back at my palace, so I guess I'll just have to "win your vote" in some sort of "democracy" or something (blegh!):

1. I have 1,778 years worth of experience.
2. You selfie-taking meat sacks need someone to whip you into shape. Whether that was figurative or literal depends on if you obey me or not once I'm ruler.
3. Orange is the new black.
4. Let's face it, humans. Am I seriously any worse than the candidates for 2016?
5. If you don't elect me, I'll disintegrate you all.

I'll leave you to consider your options.

MWAHAHAH...

A stunning photograph of myself.

Mmmm ... hellooo, puny mortal ones! It is I, Smart Alek. I see it is the hilarity-based annual event you weak piles of matter call the "Fool's Day." Therefore, I have taken this opportunity to, shall we say, "borrow" the nerd boy's website. You'll think I'm just him pulling the flargalsheep wool over your eyes anyway. Sooooo, let us commence. :D). Still working on the emoticons ....