#274: Splendiferous Diggs: Czar of the Kaleidoscape

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This post is horrendously late, but I did want it to loosely coincide with the anniversary of a little-known album called Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band next month, so that kinda makes it more on time. Three cheers for technicality!

     Fun fact: I'm alive! More alive than usual, I'd venture to say. Because, while I've been heavily slacking on my posting duties for the past few months, I have been chanelling my energies into working backstage at my school's play (among other things)! 9th Grade has been treating me well, folks, and I'm pretty jazzed. Tired, but jazzed nonetheless. I'll update you all on my year in projects and social gallivanting when summer starts, but for now, it's time for a new character. Humans, aliens, and any additional nondescript entities with internet reception, I present to you . . . Splendiferous Diggs! Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Pretty nice visual, right? This sort of mind-bending arcadian candyland sounds pretty groovy in small doses, but when you actually live there 24/7, the novelty wears off pretty fast. One can cope with this fatique in a number of ways. Start a blog to air your discontent, contemplate wistfully while playing chess with yourself on a mountaintop, or establish autocratic rule over the region and begin kidnapping unsuspecting humans to be your loyal subjects. The last one I don't personally condone, but that just happens to be the choice option of Splendiferous Duplex Diggs, ethereal feline and self-proclaimed czar of a trippy alternate plane of reality called the Kaleidoscape! Charismatic and notably more cognisant than the taffy toucans and butterscotch bandicoots he called citizens, Splediferous grew sick and tired of spending the better half of a millenium with no one to keep him company. Absolute sovereignty is only so fun without scintillating conversation. So, for the past few centuries, the gaudy grimalkin has been prowling the material world, popping up at sketchy carnivals and desert-based music festivals in search of fellow cool cats to help him put the "party" in "one-party state." (Most of said loyal subjects never return from their stay in the Kaleidoscape, but if they do, they usually write conceptual rock albums about it afterwards.)