THE TIME FOR ANSWERS IS UPON US

     Hey, guys. Remember that fun little time when I posted a scrawny lad named Wiz Clohnson and told you all in an annoyingly cryptic manner that all about him would be revealed later on? Yeah. That was in September of 2014. I hang my head in shame. But now, the answer to the question shall be answered. Ladies and gentlemen, the first issue of my comic, The '05s! I made it last year for the Young Author's Faire, but even after making a relatively swanky trailer for it on here, I never actually posted it. But now that I'll be getting started on issue #2 for the 2016 YAF, and I still have a bunch of copies of the original left over from the 2015 one, I've decided it's just about time to send them out. So that you can see if you're interested, check out the first few pages below - and if you are, pop onto your Gmail and send me a request at jcverse@gmail.com, including your address. Then me and my team (AKA the ol' parents) can send you a copy! All you'll need to do is cover the postage cost. Now, if you exsqueeze me, I'm in the middle of homeschool hours, and math problems won't solve/annoy themselves. Hasta la pasta!

#222: The Exiddion Oak

     Alright, time for a new character: the Exiddion Oak! You may be thinking this is the moment Jacob ran out of characters and decided to dive into the pool of aliveness technicalities, only to bring you a tree with an eye slapped on it. But that, my friends, is not the case. For this post, we're heading back to the ol' Graggul Empire! You may remember them as the guys who conquer the crud out of the planets of the JC-Verse using their mismatched nightmare pets. (Or you may not know what I'm talking about at all and think I'm insane, which is why I've got the handy dandy link above. You're welcome.) Well, these infamous Graggulians must've come from somewhere, right? Right. And that somewhere happens to be an enormous sentient tree! This tree, the Exiddion Oak, resides on their home planet and the capitol of their massive empire, Planet Graggul. There, large pods called Nyoggfruits grow on and fall from its great branches, hatching and releasing newly born Graggulians. Just as ravenous and rotten as your average orcs, all these Graggulians are mentally tethered to the Oak, doing everything it tells them to (including putting their noses to the grindstone to build the refined Parlokks). While squat is known about its origins, or motives for that matter, one thing about the Exiddion Oak is for sure: it will stop at nothing to get all the universe under its control. A lesson to you all: never trust a powerful being with one eye. Alex Hirsch can back me up on this one.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO THE MASSES

     A big, happy Thanksgiving to all and best of luck digesting! Sorry for not posting this until the day after, but I needed to wait it out so I could unleash this victorious Meleagris gallopavo on the world. Enjoy!

FAREWELL TO THE 2ND ANNUAL CHARACTERFEST

     Okay, comrades. Nighttime is upon us, I've gone way past my alotted computer hours set forth by the maternal unit, and now it's time to bid farewell to the fest. Oh, how time flies faster than a winged cheetah. Special thanks to all you awesome readers from across the globe that stopped by the blog and took part in the celebration. You guys most defineitely rock! Also, thanks to my family for putting up with me running back and forth from the computer to the scanner and making a mess of my room with all my art supplies today. They, too, very much rock! I had a whole bunch of fun writing and sketching up a storm for you all, and hopefully I can be lucky enough to add delightful weirdness to the world through such things. Because if I could make the world just a little more like the JC-Verse, that's more than I could ever ask for. :) Happy Characterfest to all, and may you all dream of Britishy sorcerers and Men in Black chasing butterflies. Take it away, Owl City!

MARVEL EARTH 600 4: THE FOUR AWAKENS

     As Characterfest winds down, let us travel far into the future with one of my favorite series to make: Marvel Earth 600! If you missed the three previous installments of alternate reality goodness, I suggest you click on each of their names below to go catch yourself up first:
MARVEL EARTH 600
MARVEL EARTH 600 2: RETURN OF THE FANON
MARVEL EARTH 600 3: THE DEADPOOL COMETH
Now, let's dive into a new future addition of Marvel Earth 600!

• The Four: a group of genetically inhanced super soldiers from Latveria, a grim future nation built on the spot of modern-day North America. Each member of the dystopic quartet commit crimes against the Latverian govenrment, led by the maniacle extraterrestrial Doom, and are taken into custody. When all hope seems lost, a rebellion breaks them out. These rebels, among which are formerly Latverian-employed scientist Harvey "Mole Man" Elder and skilled blind fighter Alicia Masters, know of the group and the bravely defiant acts that landed them in the slammer -- so they offer them a job. With help from Elder they become the Four, the ultimate weapon against Doom, and go on to fight for freedom for years to come.
• Doom: the ruler of Latveria and the son of Avengers foe Ultron Ultraron. After news of Ultron's defeat reaches the planet of Metallius, his followers are outraged and distraught. But once they learn of his young son Doom Ultraron, they realize they still have a chance at conquering the planet of Earth. Years they spend raising Doom to be the ultimate warrior-dictator and master of occult sorcery, and once they finally send him off at the age of 36, he succeeds. He crushes the democracy of the U.S. and builds his own cruel nation in its place, one he names after the Metallian god of war: Latvere. 
• Namor McKenzie: The leader of the underwater colony of ATLANTIS. The colony is founded by his parents, Leonard and Fen McKenzie, as a bubble-enclosed safehaven for those who wish to escape the tyrannical rule of Doom. But after the two pass away, Namor inherits the position of leader. While his parents' hearts had been in providing safety for the people, Namor's is simply in rising up and conquering Latveria. The young ruler wastes hundreds of lives in attacks on the surface world. He eventually comes into conflict with the Four, who find themselves fighting against two radical parties at once.

Alrighty, so that's that for this installment. Tune in next time when we return to the present of Earth 600 - and possibly encounter a dude whose name rhymes with Shmareshmevil.

The Four

Doom

Namor McKenzie

#221: Beatrix Bifrustum

     Okay, I took a break to feast on some taquitos and watch The Librarians, so let's get back to it. Ladies and gentlemen, Beatrix Bifrustum! The JC-Verse has always been a strange place, but in the modern era it has reached a point where a crime-fighting manchild in an owl hoodie getting into a brawl with a greeen-skinned fannypack monster is just your usual Friday. So it only makes sense that some sort of reference point is now needed, an official to help us handle these strange events with more of an understanding. An ambassador to Fantastical Lifeforms, if you will. And apparently you will, because that is the exact position that the United Nations has created, and who better to fill it than Britishy sorcerer chick Beatrix Bifrustum! Coming from a long line of skilled magic users, this eccentric young diplomat has learned about all types of supernatural and extraterrestrial beings in her studies, and is now the world's leading authority on the things we don't understand (which are a lot). Hey, until you guys finally get a female Doctor, I think she'll do quite nicely.

#220: Grumpo von Squiggy

     Okay, time for Characterfest post #3: Grumpo von Squiggy! You've already heard the tale of Captain Super Violet and Flumpers, the Valiunt Heros of Kingdomland, so now it is time to learn more about their mortal enemy and king, Grumpo von Squiggy! The people of Kingdomland were once quite the happy breed, throwing shindigs and munching on the nicest of goodies. But that was before their benevolent king, Happyhoo von Squiggy III, retired to the Bahamas and handed over the torch of kinglihood to his eldest son Grumpo. That, my friends, is when life turned to poop. As king, Grumpo chose to confiscate all of the land's fudge for himself, and only himself, to munch. Why, you ask? Because he's a meanie. We're talking a cut-in-front-of-you-at-the-grocery-store-check-out-without-even-caring meanie. An ask-for-you-to-give-him-a-high-five-and-then-yell-PSYCH meanie. A jumps-out-from-behind-a-bush-and-scares-you-into-dropping-your-rocky-road-ice-cream-cone-on-the-sidewalk meanie! Yeah, folks. That's a big stinkin' meanie. But luckily, his fudge-stealing act of tyranny caught the attention of the Valiunt Heros, who proceded to defeat him and return the fudge to the people. The duo have been foiling his dastardly plans ever since. Life lesson: being a meanie never pays. Stay in school, kids.

ENTERTAINING USELESSNESS FOR THE LOLZ

     Okay guys, while I work on my next Characterfest post, please enjoy this piece of fan art I made mixing one of my favorite Youtube channels with one of the weirdest '80s time travel comedies I've seen. There are a lot. PS, super alpaca points to anyone who gets the obscure references in this picture.

#219: The Men in Black (JC-Verse Edition)

     Okay, I said I would give you something mindless and punny for the next post. Well, this next one isn't super punny, but it is most definitely (and quite literally) mindless: the Men in Black: JC-Verse edition! Robot agents are the thing of tomorrow, they said. They'll be soooo much more efficient than silly human agents, they said. Well, yeah, that's just great, UNDEROO. If only you had waited another, say, 60 years to go through with that little plan, it would've been a real humdinger. Back in the early 50s, the big names up in UNDEROO decided that the best way to combat &/or obtain the fantastical lifeforms of the JC-Verse was to manufacture a new line of fancy shmancy android agents that have since become known as the "men in black." And the problem has already presented itself. No government agents, especially not ones working for something like UNDEROO, should "become known" as anything by the public, because the public should barely even know they exist. But since UNDEROO could only use the 1950s equivalent of advanced tech, they ended up with a line of bumbling bots with horrible spy skills, along with horrible overall "acting like a person" skills. They would discontinue the buggers if they could, but the MiB Workers Union would be on their butts about it. (How they were intellegent enough to form a union, but still can't carry out a mission without getting distracted by a nearby bug, I have no clue.)

CLICK TO ENLARGE

#218: The Being

     Okay, time for our second Characterfest post: the Being. The JC-Verse's Earth is quite well acquainted with fantastical lifeforms of all kinds, but one in particular has left them scratching their heads: the Being. For over 50 years, this shadowy creature has slipped through the backround of many photos, inspiring a plethora of conspiracy theories and a multitude of backwoods hoaxes; and through all this, they've never truly figured out his real deal. But get your tin hats ready, folks, because ol' Jakey McBloggerpants has the answer. In 1947, a group of diplomats from the planet Ieoudinoin boarded a ship to the faraway planet of Earth, planning to make peace with the strange place's inhabitants. The U.S. government, however, had a different idea. Once the ship arrived, the group inside was apprehended and brought to be dissected and studied. But one escaped. And when he did, he discovered that something had stowed away with them on their mission. Zhollowers. Nasty things. Predatorial creatures from Ieoudinoin with the ability to alter their matter and turn into practially any object there is. He could've taken off and let them devour the creatures that had captured his own people. But he knew that he came here to do good, and he still had that chance. This diplomat is the Being, and to this day he has been fighting to keep the vicious Zhollowers at bay for the safety of all creatures on this planet. Yeah, I think you guys deserve some mindless punny-ness after this one.

(LEFT TO RIGHT: the type of vortex that he and his species use for small scale transportation, the Being himself, the Thermal Detection Gun he uses to detect Zhollowers in disguise-mode, and a Zhollower in its natural, nightmare-fueling form.)

#217: The Valiunt Heros

     Now that I've gotten you sufficiently pumped up with some sweet beats, time for the first characters of the day: the Valiunt Heros (this bad grammer will make sense in a minute)! Some crazy crud can happen if you're the child of a Greek god. Just ask any crazed fangirl you run into. But even though the JC-Verse isn't hosting any teenage demigods at the moment, it is home to a little girl named Sanya, who happens to be the daughter of Morpheus (the Greek god of dreams, not Laurence Fishburne). She may seem like a totally normal kid at first glance, but it turns out she inherited a bit of power from her dad: everything she imagines comes to life in her own personal pocket dimension in the universe. And she just so happened to have imagined Captain Super Violet and Flumpers, AKA the Valiunt Heros! These two cartoony questers come from the kingdom of Kingdomland, in a village built atop a giant Shmooozletree stump. When they're not playing kerbubbleball or bustin' out ditties on their kazoos, the two are foiling the plans of their evil king Grumpo von Squiggy and whatever other meanies come their way. (Special thanks to my real-life cartoon character of a friend, Sophie, for inspiring Violet, and to pretty much every animal ever for inspiring Flumpers.)

IT. BEGINS.

     Ladies and gentlemen. Anthropomorphic animals of all shapes and sizes. I hope you remembered to wash your best party trousers, for today is . . . the 2nd Annual Characterfest! I'm awake, I'm ready and I've got my whole insane imagination and a bucket load of fonts at my disposal. Let's get to it! Take it away, Panic! At The Disco!

SORRINESS AND THE WONDERFULLY WACKADOODLE SUNDAY THAT AWAITS YOU

     Hey, guys. I realize that this blog has been a bit, how you say, lacking in the "new post" department this week. And by that, I mean completey without them. At all. Whatsoever. Please accept my meme:

But fear not, my internet-dwelling compadres, for this Sunday I will make up for it. Because this Sunday a strange astronomical anomoly will be taking place, visible from computers and cellular phones all over the globe. And that event just so happens to rhyme with ShmaracterFest. *triumphant music* That's right, this weekend is Characterfest, the holiday where this here blog is jam-packed with new characters, videos and more! There will be Britshy people. There will be fudge. There will be lots of other really cool stuff that I'm gonna shut my pietrap about and let you enjoy when they actually happen. It all goes nuts on November 22nd, 2015! P.S. bring your party trousers and Pringles.

(CLICK PIC TO ENLARGE)

JACOBOLEON STEPHENSMITE AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS

     In case any of you were wondering how ol' Jakey McBloggerpants spent his Halloween, the answer is parading around the neighborhood with a bunch of delightfully frightening individuals, saying "heck yes!" a lot and breakin' it down in my sweet moon boots. Enjoy:

#216: The Fancy Gent at the Center of the Earth

     I've decided to knock all the shows in the Unholy Quadrangle I haven't seen (AKA everyone except for the greatness that is Gravity Falls) off my TV bucket list. Already did Over the Garden Wall. Next up: as much of Adventure Time as I can binge over a weekend. Wish me luck. Now, time for a new character: the Fancy Gent at the Center of the Earth. You know Earth, right? That big round soggy thing in space that you're probably standing on right now? If so, you've probably also heard some chatter that there's a really hot, melty ball smack dab in the center of it. Well, there isn't. Nor is there a lost land of dinosaurs and adventure, no matter what Brendan Fraser tells you. The time for the truth has come: at the center of the Earth is a snazzy gent, sitting on a love seat, smoking a sophisticated bubble pipe, in a really swag room. And his name is Quinten. Now I know what you're thinking. "But Jacob, they proved there's a molten core with seismological studies and junk!" Well, the government obviously put those fake science facts out there to give the guy some privacy. Imagine if the people knew. The paparazzi would never stop. But as things are now, Quinten is free to chillax in peace, pondering the deep secrets of the universe and having a chuckle over our ignorance. Consider yourself enlightened.

#215: Ashy and Gameboy

     My recap of this week's Agents of SHIELD: I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT. Anywhosers, time for a new pair of characters: Ashy and Gameboy! Even though we ever-lovin warm-blooded humanoids would trade it for a wizarding world anyday, Earth is, in all actuality, a pretty bangin' place. So naturally, in 1990 the government decided to share that bangin'-ness by launching a time capsule full of Earth's colorful history into the cold vacuum of space for aliens to find. And it worked. So now, the people of the West Glimmorrian Star System are mass producing boom boxes, getting perms and otherwise enjoying the human-y lifestyle, and it's absolutely wonderful. Except there's . . . um, one little snag. Well, two. Enter Ashy and Gameboy, the system's most wanted - and oddly enough, most hip. With a rim-poppin' fly-mobile to let them bounce from here to there, this duo are the scurge of the West Glimmorrian, cranking "Smooth Criminal" on their jambox as they break laws like dance. (PS, I was right.)