#244: The Hexaplexahedron

(And here we have something that I promise will make complete(ish) sense by the end of this post.)

     Well, I think you all can guess what I spent my weekend figuratively salivating over. SPIDER MAN IT WAS SPIDER-MAN. *ahem* Anywho, since I already did enough obsessive blabbing surrounding the webhead's big entrance on my twitter, I think I should spare you from more of that around these parts and just get to the character. So, ladies and gentlespidermen - uh, I meant spidergentleme - GOSH DANGIT! Okay, ladies and GENTLEMEN, the Hexaplexahedron!
     You ever heard of the Zherts? They were a species on the outskirts of the Aparra System. Trancontinental bridge travel, Mallogen-oxide-laced weaponry, pretty darn spiffy for a society with all 3-fingered hands. But on account of the fact they lived about a couple thousand lightyears away from Earth, you might be able to guess that they didn't get the memo on constitutional democracy. So they had to get creative and think up their own system of choosing a leader: the Hexaplexahedron. The game was simple. 5 rounds with 6 of their best warriors. Each round the Hexaplexahedron, a massive synthetic predator with a randomly-generated set of powers and weaknesses, would pluck off candidates one-by-one, and the one guy at the end that hadn't moved into the quaint abode of ol' Hex's stomach would move into the castle and become "Charratar," or king. Wait, maybe that's not so simple. Ah, what the hey, compared to some other JC-Verse stuff, it's simple. This system may have worked hunky dory for a couple hundred years, but eventually they started running out of good warriors with a bunch of their best biting the dust in an arena every few years. So long story short, enemies arrive, zappy zappy, slashy slash, bye bye Zherts. But what, prey tell, became of our character, the Hexaplexahedron? Well, here's where things get a bit more familiar.
     Upon settling in, the conquering people found it, and started using it for defeating other poor suckers, and for amusing games. Before you knew it, Hex was being passed from planet to planet, and people to people like a Rubix cube - only 94% more likely to kill you. It started travelling farther, and farther, and farther across the odd expanse of the JC-Verse, and then one species broke the chain. Decided to shake the square. Abandon him. On the polar cap of some place called Earth. So, short story long, for the last twenty years UNDEROO has been keeping the rusty gladiator cornered, fighting him off with thermo-suit-clad agents in the tundra. Phew! That was a mouthful. Scratch that, about two mouthfuls. Hey, if you're looking for something leaning on the dumb side to help you digest, you can always visit my Twitter. That geek-out Spidey rant awaits.