#208: Enormous Ed Bucklehuck

     Okay, here's a new character: Enormous Ed Bucklehuck! Most tourist landmarks in the US are somewhere along the lines of a world's largest dust bunny or an Oregonian shack ran by an old, fez-wearing gambler. But in the JC-Verse, there's one road-side sight that blows all of those attractions out of the water. And his name is Ed. This guy was once simply a night employee at the local QuickyMick convenience store in Podunk, New Mexico. But one night, when some average desert aliens came darting overhead like the highly-advanced hotshots they think they are, their UFO leaked some shmoozle fuel. Shmoozle fuel that landed directly on Ed while he was at the town stoplight. Immediately turned into a bonafide giant, this most average of Joes was soon launched to star status, bringing in tourists by the ton and putting Podunk on the map. Great for him, not so great for the truck he was in at that stoplight.

(In hindsight, I probably should've sprung for a bigger paper for the guy . . . )

MARVEL EARTH 600 3: THE DEADPOOL COMETH

     Okay, guys. Put on your Iron Man onesie. Grab some popcorn. Collapse into the warm embrace of your beanbag chair. Because it's time for the third installment in my Marvel fanon universe, Earth 600! If you missed the two first installments in which I make Hulk a robot and Captain America even older than he already is, click on this link and this link. Okay, fellow geeks. Let's introduce some new character versions:

• Hank Pym: A freelance inventor in his late 20s attempting to make a difference in a crazy world of super-powered macho men. Which he does. By almost getting it conquered/obliterated. Yes sirree bob, Hank is the one who accidentally lured the metal-skinned space radical known as Ultron Ultraron to good ol' Planet Earth. But thankfully, he was also the one to bring the members of the Earth 600 Avengers together to stop Ultraron, and has been the brains behind the team ever since.
• Waidwill'Sun/The Deadpool: a critically-insane wisecracker and former Watcher. The Watchers' whole deal is that they watch, not get involved - heck, it's in their name. So naturally, that's the first thing Waidwill'Sun did. Exiled by his former co-workers, the "Deadpool," as he now calls himself, hangs out on Earth and occasionally teams up with heroes/villains like the adolescent mystic Stephen Strange. He is also really ticked at this blog's PG rating.
• Stan: not much is known about the being known as Stan, as far as his origins. He is a primordial other-dimensional spirit, residing in the far reaches of space. He is the founder of the Watchers, and surveys all the "stories" of the universe, orchestrating them as he pleases. It is also said that he can be summoned by saying the word "excelsior" three times in a mirror.

 Well, that's it for now. Tune in next time for another weird and wondrous installment in Marvel Earth 600! 600! 600!

Hank Pym

Deadpool

Stan

#207: Bam Boozle

     Okay, here is a new character: Bam Boozle! I don't know if you guys know, but UNDEROO went through a bit of a . . . umm . . . sketchy period at one point. As any organization would if it got secretly taken over from the inside by a snappy-dressed, megalomaniac squid-guy. So during this period, they launched Project Doorway, an attempt to conquer another species' planet, expanding the Man's control. For this, they needed a planet scout. And the scumbag below was happy to oblige. Known throughout the JC-Verse for his shape-shifting abilities and the crimes he uses them for, Bam Bartholomew Boozle was hired by UNDEROO in secret, and infiltrated several planets to find the perfect one. He's basically the Silver Surfer to the Man's Galactus. But that in no way means I will ever make a movie version where the Man is a cloud. I'm crazy, not insane.

#206: The Parlokks of Planet Graggul

     I've been reading up on the Fantastic Four lately, and if they can have their own dangerous species of alien invaders, I reckon the JC-Verse could, too. Only, of course, a much much weirder version. So, time for some new characters: the Parlokks of Planet Graggul! If you walk into a room of aliens from throughout the galaxy and randomly shout out "PARLOKKS!!!", I guarantee you every one of them will either run around in a circle screaming, pull out a weapon, or faint. Please do not test this. Hailing from the edge of the Ka'heegle Star System, the Parlokks were created by the inhabitants of the savage Graggul Empire as a weapon for universal domination. Thanks to sci-fi science that I won't make you sit through the semantics of, these mechanical menaces have the ability to grow an endless count of different creatures' limbs at a time, mix-matching the strength and agility of the entire universe's supply of life. The more I think about it, the more I believe the Graggul Empire must've collabed with Sid from Toy Story when creating these guys.

#205: Darrell the Pygmy Kaiju

     My tech guy (AKA Dad) is still attempting to fix my Toon Boom program. Jedi padawans are too lucky. The Force, that stuff is always working. Although, it might fall asleep on occasion considering the title of the newest movie. Anyway, here's a new character: Darrell the Pygmy Kaiju! Everybody has a dream. For instance, mine is to make people happy with animated movies and eventually have a pet half-camel-half-alpaca named DiAndre. This little guy, however, has a very different ambition: to become the next big movie monster. From the quaint, sea-surrounded sweetspot of Reptiliaki Island, Darrell has always dreamed of stomping in the footsteps of his idol Godzilla. Unlike his older brother Spikes, whose only ambition is to breathe the fiery jams with his cave band HISS. So, once Darrell had his rawr mitzvah, the squirt of a raptor was allowed by his parents to move to Hollywood with his aunt, and has been working on his rise to stardom ever since. He is just starting out on this path, but you can still watch him as Dragonling #4 on the season premiere of Game of Fancy Chairs.

(Darrell practicing his rampage skills.)

THE PICKLE & PEANUT THEORY

     I may never be the same, guys. Why? Because I have witnessed something so weird, although oddly visionary, that it makes Star vs. The Forces of Evil look like an encyclopedia. The something is called Pickle & Peanut. I struggle to find a way to explain how this show is an existing thing. But It looks like me and Materna-Tron (my mom) have developed the perfect theory for what this show is:
Pickle & Peanut is from the Napoleon Dynamite Universe, and created by Napoleon himself.
Think about it for a second. One of the two main characters, Pickle, is voiced by Jon Heder. Napoleon believes himself to be an artist, explaining him going down the career of animation years later. Napoleon lives with his grandma and the second episode is about grannies. Plus, the ND Universe is the only place a show that weird would fit in. I dare you to watch the show yourself and find more connections. There's aplenty. Hasta la pasta.

MARVEL EARTH 600 2: RETURN OF THE FANON

     Great Scott! Thirty views from the US alone in 24 hours! Thanks so much, guys, for indulging me in my weirdness. You rock. Anywho, I have decided to bring back one of my new favorite projects. That's right, I'm talking Marvel Earth 600. Now, if you didn't read my first post in which I explain my reasoning for flipping the Marvel Universe on it's head, click here. Show it to your friends. *gives thumbs up to screen* Now, let's dive in:

• Donald Blake Torsen/Thor: A scruffy, sarcastic Brit who has a hard time taking things seriously, especially the law. He acquires a prototype SHIELD weapon called M.J.O.L.N.I.R. and becomes the vigilante hero Thor, accompanied by his three amigos Rolf, Trevor and Leo and his love interest Erika Sif.
• T'Challa of Wakanda: Panthro-sapien warlord and leader of Wakanda. His species were created by the government of the previously-human-populated Wakanda nation. They were meant to be the next generation of super-soldiers until they realized they were much more powerful than humans, banning together and conquering the country. The Earth 600 Avengers have had to face T'Challa and his savage military forces several times before.
• Captain America: One of six ancient humans to have acquired Infinity Gems and vowed to use their powers for good and keep them safe from maniacal forces. He's been with America since the very beginning, serving as a powerhouse of a soldier in almost every one of the nation's wars. He has repeatedly lost loves to death due to his near-immortal lifespan, the most prominent of those loves being Peggy Carter during the time of WWII. He is the keeper/user of the Power Gem, which is embedded in his trusty shield.

That's it for now. Tune in next time for more Jacob-brand fanon. Excelsior!

Thor

T'Challa of Wakanda

Captain America

#204: The Unfathomable Zeus (BLOG-CEPTION)

     Never have I wished so much to have caught something on camera as the Mustache Ninja's reaction to Weird Al on Wander Over Yonder. Now, time for my new character: the Unfathomable Zeus! I can only assume I've confused the heck outta my share of readers with all my shared-universe stuff. But guess what? I am not alone in my other-dimensional continuity jibberjabber! Because - stay with me for this - some people in the JC-Verse have created their OWN fictional universe of characters. It's called the Zega Comics Universe, it makes way more money than mine, and it features this fella! Basically the JC-Verse's Thor, Zeus has all the powers of the god of the same name, and has made his way onto everything from geek t-shirts to '80s Saturday morning cartoons. He's also really the only reason any mom within the JC-Verse is willing to go with their son to a Zega Comics movie.

(Yes, he's supposed to look like Soos in the Gravity Falls episode "Summerween." I have a headcanon, it's a whole thing.)