REALITIZED THE MAN

(SEE #59, 2014.)

#105: Librarius: Keeper of the Lexicon

Hey, guys. Go online and look up "Ylvis - Intelevator." You'll thank me later. Anyway, here's my new character: Librarius, keeper of the Lexicon. In the distant region of outer space known as Farreach, there is nothing for hypermiles except meteors, stars, vacant planets and a big fat sun. But there's only one thing you're forgetting. This is the JC-Verse. So naturally, one of those stars is hollow with a 3-story library sitting inside. Inside sits Zenndar Librarius, granted with a lifespan almost as long as his beard, protecting the Lexicon, a handbook of godhood with infinite knowledge all within an inch-and-a-half thick book. The Overlords of Mythlyhood dig paradoxes. With all the JC-Verse's most-wanted dictators, ruffians and flat-out mean guys looking for it, Librarius must remain at his post, guarding the book for all of eternity. The guy's not completely alone, though. Every few centuries, a confused alien comes in asking where the rom-com section is.

JAKETIONARY

#104: Cemetery Larry

Hey, guys. Liking the BrickRolling video? Yeah, I came up with the idea, but I have to give some credit to the puppeteer, Materna-tron, and whatever ghostly being caused the close-up on Rick in the video. I didn't touch the zoom button, I'm sure! Aaand an accidentally perfect segway to my latest character: Cemetery Larry. Are you a ghost, a shadow or an intangible being trapped between dimensions? Are you in need of a good set of physical features to help you blend in as a mortal? Than call Cemetery Larry, used body salesman! He's got slim bodies! Thick bodies! Elvis's body! Don't ask how he got it, but he has it! All for the price of a penny!! How you're gonna pick that penny up is YOUR problem! Cemetery Larry's: we put the "super" in "supernatural"!

REALLY IMPORTANT VIDEO!

    I regret nothing.

BAD OFF: ROUND 2!

Hey, guys. Get your clickers ready because it's time for BAD-OFF PART 2. "Badspud vs. Pupilman: Dawn of J-C" for the European release.

              
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BAD-OFF COMPLETE!!! (A dark day for chimps)

Hey guys. Let's all give a hand for our villainous victor Darth Tater, winner of the first ever Bad-Off against the Chimp! (Imaginary applause.) Unfortunately, the dark spud himself couldn't make it, considering he, you know, died, so accepting it on his behalf is Wicket the Teawok. Take it away, chief!

ALS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE!!!

I have hopped upon the bucket-dumping bandwagon, my peeps! Was it cold? Yes. Was it worth it? Of course. Are the good people of Moldova ready to get really wet? Hope so...

ZOWIE COWY POSTER

                     
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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the first computer-animated Zowie Cowy poster! The first look at your pink-&-purple all-access pass into the JC-Verse. I suggest you do as the writing says.

#103: Agent Kriggles

Hey guys, here's my new character: Agent Kriggles. The field division is one of the most important parts of UNDEROO, busting up baddies with its fighting skills galore and looking really dope doing it. And right up there with the down-right best of 'em - not literally, of course, he's about at knee level - is Agent Flingdop Kriggles: alien intelligence and little guy logistics. With a mental capacity only accessible by the people of his world Shmof 6 (and 9-year-old piano prodigies on AGT), Kriggles has to keep everything running smoothly, from the agents to the dissection down the hall, along with doing his own field duties. Other field guys call him a babysitter, but can Nanny McPhee shoot a target from a mile away and conveniently fit in an overhead baggage compartment? No.

#102: Seth

Hey, guys. My geeky comrade Elizabeth (AKA the Filminator) has finally returned after her 5 day disappearance. According to our system, by this point she should have been either eaten by a shark or captured by HYDRA. Nope, writing a 2,000-word-essay on Shakespeare and binge-watching Sherlock. Man, I was way off. Okay, here's my new character: Seth. (Zegatron was too flashy.) If you think he's a robot, stop right there. He finds that term "stereotypical." In fact, he's actually an Aluminum-Kaloonium alloy lifeform designed by scientists of the embarrassingly-acronymed agency UNDEROO. Engineered as a super-weapon against foreign threats - especially Japanese reptilian monsters - the oober-stretchy no-bot is on serious lock-down, waiting for a day where he will be needed. Domo arigato, Mr. Aluminum-Kaloonium alloy-lifeform-o.

#101: GILLEE

Hey, guys. Today I got more than 50 views from Moldova and none from the USA. Home of the free and the brave, you're lagging here. Meanwhile, Moldova, you're earning some intense brownie points up in here. I would actually like to know how well-known I am there, so feel free to inform me in the comments, Moldovans. Anywho, here's my new character: GILLEE. Back in the ancient days of the '90s (now I'm just doing that to annoy my parents), when Vanilla Ice ruled the world alongside the Ninja Turtle congress, a mysterious mustached scientist known as Milluvious injected a mild-mannered bush with the neon lifeblood of anthropomorphism: Ozotonium. You can automatically assume that anything related to Ozotonium will lead to something decently weird. The bush came to life, blessed with the ability to turn invisible and to constantly refer to himself in the 3rd person, thus running off and becoming the legendary JC-Verse myth GILLEE. Not to be confused with his distant cousin Groot, of course.

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #8

 (#33, 2014.)

THE POST-100 ERA

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Hey, guys. Right now, you might be asking two questions: 1. "What are you gonna do now that you've achieved your goal of 100 characters?" and 2. "Did you do that "POST-100" thing as a pun?" The second one I'll leave you to think I'm that clever, but I'll actually answer #1. Now that the 100 challenge has wrapped up, the blog will be branching out into new domains. Original videos! Cartoons! More "Straight From The JC-Verse!" Colorful fonts! Many exciting new ways to bring forth quality weirdness into a world of unnecessary selfies. I've got my markers, pencils and wacko brain, all I need now is you!

#100: DOUG

Okay, it took 2 year-long tries, a lot of good markers and 6 erasers with faces drawn on them, but as of August 13th, 2014, I've finally created and drawn 100 JC-Verse characters in 1 year!!! YES! "The only thing that's impossible is impossibility." -Phineas Flynn. Yep, quoting a scalene-headed prodigy boy on Disney Channel. That's how I roll. Okay, here's my 100th character: Doug. I know, at first glance, he seems like a fuzzy-wuzzy teddy bear, not an epic centennial character. But on the contrary, Doug is actually the most powerful being in the whole JC-Verse. He has been everything, from the furry defender SuperVision, to a soldier in the Cossterian War, to the Quazen'abian leader Quacesu! (Boom. Mind-blow.) Baring the sheer power of the Quantum Crystals, the 100-year-old super-critter travels the galaxies, crushing evil and surveying all that is, was and will be. He even knows that I created his universe. He's cool with it as long as I don't randomly drain him of his powers. Hint hint Marvel.

#99: The Pachyderminator

Okay, now that I've been sufficiently befuddled by Desmond on America's Got Talent, here's my latest character: the Pachyderminator! Hundreds of years from now in an old Hoboken laboratory, the dying-out Illuminotsomuch (see #92) attempts to send a robotic "Super-Guido" back in time to change the event of their epic downfall. They try droids, Stuff R Us mannequins and even a giant Cheeto-Bot, but nothing seems to work. Tony eats the last one. Thinking the Illuminotsomuch are destined to be outshined by the Illuminati, St3ve the 28th sits in his dude-cave, laying eyes on his pet African Elephant, Deandre. Oh, but then, THEN it hits him. So after being "tricked out" by a genius inventor they found on Angie's List, Deandre becomes the Pachyderminator, the face of the Illuminotsomuch, changing the past in their favor and displaying a distinctive "Dumbo gone rogue" vibe. Follow me if you want to live. Or if you want peanuts, whatever.

#98: Herby the Who

Hey, guys. Yesterday, I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy with my Marvelite friend Elizabeth (AKA The Filminator.) If you like Marvel, Sci-Fi or 1980s references/ducks, I highly recommend you see it. Stay through the credits and that will make sense. Now, here's my new character: Herby the Who. Every animation geek enjoys a good, old-fashioned Mickey or Donald short, taking him/her back to the olden days. But just like anything else in the JC-Verse (and Transformers), they're more than meets the eye. In fact, these classic cartoons are gateways to the distant 2D realm known as Cartoonex, home of this guy, Herby. Hailing from the slapstick society of Blakinwite, this - uhhhh - creature whistles his way around the town, foiling the dastardly deeds of his foe, Stink-Eye Stan. Cartoonex and Earth have been keeping their peace treaty for years. They let us broadcast their world's bizz for the entertainment of our populous and we keep supplying them with those three-lined gloves they can't seem to get enough of. (I think this tune fits the post nicely, at least the title does...)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ba_qTPA4Ds

#97: Smart Alek

Hey, guys. I am now being followed by Garth himself, Dana Carvey, on Twitter! Dana, if you're reading this.......SHE CHOPPING BROCCOLI!!!!!! Now, here's my new character: Smart Alek! Ever wonder where the expression "smart aleck" comes from? Well, grab some Pringles, sit down and let me enlighten you. Smart Alek is actually the cruel, crazy-craniumed dictator of the Chajascaki (CHAH-HAH-ZAH-KEE) Dimension. With access to 95% of his brain power, he hasn't had to use his hands in all of his 1,800-year-life, except to point to the kind of animal print he wanted on his hoverthrone. Feared by all Chajascakians, he flies around his kingdom, snarling and sporting his "Honk if you want to be disintegrated" bumber sticker. He's got a big head. Literally and figuratively.

JOE CAMEO #3

            
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                                                (HOW OLD IS THIS GUY?!)

#96: Freddy

Okay, here's my new character: Freddy. Most normal tourists find it exciting to leave their city or state and go to such fascinating locals as Fort Lauderdale or Gravity Falls. Freddy is not most tourists. Or normal. Hailing from the planet of Glimmorrius, he heard from a Sna'rsle who heard from a moonman that Earth had a rare delicacy worshiped by all, known as "Cronuts." So, like most people who've heard of Cronuts, he spontaneously flocked there immediately. Now, Freddy's on planet Earth, seeing the sights and observing such earthly customs as Cheetos, karaoke and wearing pants. That is, as soon as he finishes cleaning out the Cronut shop.

JOE CAMEO #2

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JOE CAMEO #1

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                                    And you guys think I make this stuff up. (See #83, 2014.)
          

#95: Xennophon Steed: The Real Trojan Horse

Hey guys, here's my new character: Xennophon Steed. Everyone knows the story of the Trojan Horse. A tale of war, bamboozlement and expert-level wood craftsmanship. But deep within history lies the true story. A story kept secret for hundreds of years. Only to be let out by a 12-year-old blogger in his jammies. So, after a fruitless 10-years trying to defeat the Trojans, the Greeks thought they were hopeless to win the war. But one day, the troops found a mysterious spaceship property of Animaland (home of #91) crashed nearby. Befuddled, they opened the pod, only to find ... this guy. It's not everyday you find a talking horse with an ax for a hoof, in Greece. So naturally, they appointed him general. After disguising himself as an average, non-talking horse and sneaking into Troy, Xennophon led his men in at nightfall and successfully kicked the Trojans' gluteus maximuses, ending the war. Animallanders leave their imprints in history more than you think. I'll give you a hint, one's name rhymes with Rooby Roo.