A POST-HOLIDAY HELLO TO THE MASSES

     A merry belated Christmas Day to all! And happy Boxing Day to all those across the pond, up north, etc. Cheers to all those good ol' boxes. I hope you all enjoyed the 12 Characterz of Christmas! There may have been setbacks, mainly the occasional skipping of days due to schoolwork before break started, but I still managed to finish in time. Thanks a bunch to all of you who read along and participated in the merry-ocity! What will I be doing now that it's finished? Well, currently I'm enjoying the limbo period of laziness between Christmas and New Year's, and using my brand new phone to give all my family members weird personalized ringtones. But once 2016 hits, things are gonna get pretty crazy around here! I have a lot of fun new projects coming up, not all of which I can tell you about. Pinky promise I'm not Illuminati. So, for now, Merry Christmas and I'll see ya in the New Year! Now if you excuse me, I have some more nothing to attend to.

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#235 & #236: Carol and Eve

      Okay, time for the last two characters of the 12 Characterz of Christmas: Carol and Eve! I've already introduced you all to the person that protects the Christmas spirit, and now it's time for you to meet the ones that distributed it around the world. While the Keeper may hold onto the physical imbodiment of the urivaled cheer of the holiday season, he doesn't hold onto it itself. It doesn't just sit there, still,  permeating the December air without assistance - it has to be spread by those who already have it in their hearts. And their just so happens to be two spirits that always make sure that happens: Carol and Eve! Hailing straight from behind the pearly white gates, these sisters are assigned by the big man upstairs himself to disperse the feelings of peace and love that come with Christmastime. Invisible to any living souls, they merrily perform good deeds and mini-miracles from country to country. Because that's how you spread the Christmas spirit, folks. By doing good for others. Not everybody has happiness in their heart, but if you take time out of your day to brighten theirs, through a deed of any size, they might begin to. And who knows, maybe then they'll be compelled to spread the spirit, too, and the cycle will go on. PS, take it from me, you don't need a wagon full of festivity and spiritual powers to do this.

#234: The Good Mage Abe

     Okay, time for the 10th character in the 12 Characterz of Christmas: the Good Mage Abe! Jolliness doesn't just happen, people. Especially not when said jolliness is enough to spread across the globe and still have oodles to spare for next year. So, ol' Santa Clause must've learned his merry ways from someone, right? Well, he did. From a fellow bearded elder by the name of Abe! Back when Christmas was young, so was Kris Kringle, making knickknacks and befriending the reindeer owned by his foster parent, grumpy ranch owner Mr. Grusk. But one day, an old man came to town. Carrying a faintly-glowing pack over his shoulder, he moved his few belongings into a cabin down the road. Day after day, the curious Kringle snuck over after his ranch hand chores were finished and peaked into the cabin, awestruck by the sorcery the man was performing inside. He was stealthy each time - until he wasn't. The man called Abe could have shooed the boy off his property upon discovering him, but what he sensed in him was something truly for the ages. So he began teaching him a few things. Day after day for years, Kris would come over, mastering the magic that makes things fly and learning lessons of giving and such, until he became the grandiose giftgiver we know today. Imagine the looks on the neighbors' faces when he first made a sleigh fly and took it for a spin around town.

#233: Mrs. Clause (AKA The Tooth Fairy)

     Okay, it's the last day of the 12 Characterz of Christmas and I've still got 4 to post. Holiday game face time. Now, for the first of those final 4: Mrs. Clause (JC-Verse version, of course)! You know the Tooth Fairy? The mystical moler-collector of your kid years? The good ol' gal that leaves crisp dollar dollar bills under pillows across the globe? Yeah. That's Mrs. Clause. At this point you're probably thinking I got into some wonky expired fruit cake, but allow me to give you some background. After a few hundred years of sitting by the sidelines, Mrs. Clause got sick of it. She decided she didn't want to just be remembered as Santa's wife, as the woman behind the iconic beard n' belly. So, she decided to become her own fantasy figure and tap into a market about as reliable as kids' constant yearning for gifts: their loss of teeth. After "borrowing" a bit of the same magic dust that makes the sleigh and reindeer fly from the Clause vault, she began her mission to make a name for herself in the childhood whimsey industry. Santa still hasn't found out for sure, although he does have a suspision thanks to the dollars constantly being withdrawn from their joint bank account.

#232: Jack Frost (JC-Verse Edition)

     Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! I am both ready and not at all ready for this at the same time. Anywho, time for a new character of the 12 Characterz of Christmas: Jack Frost (JC-Verse Edition)! You all probably know of Jack Frost. Credited with nipping at the collective noses of the winter masses, he usually comes in the form of a mean ol' mischief maker or an aggressively-shipped Dreamworks protagonist. But it would seem the actual version is much different - well, in the ol' Jacob's Characterz! Universe, that is. The creature known as Frost came into being at the beginning of time itself, at the very center of the North Pole, as planet Earth's first fall was coming to a close. As part of the Grand Cycle, the below-zero being was created with the unquenchable annual desire to spread cold across the globe. Us homo sapien folk came to call this time "winter." Over time, Frost became fiercely protective of his polar lair. So, when Kris Kringle decided to build the Workshop right near it, naturally some tops were blown. Eventually, after trying intensely to fight his jolly invaders off in the Frost War, our bitter ol' ice entity finally let them settle in, but still loses it with them over space intrusion every once in a while. (All who now have "Ice Ice Baby" stuck in your heads like me, say aye.)

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#231: Groggnart: The Terrible Tin Solider

    Alrighty, now for the 7th Character of Christmas: Groggnart, the terrible tin soldier! Sorry, but it was only a matter of time before something extraterrestrial penetrated this Christmas shindig. But fear not, because it still comes in the handy-dandy form of an antique tin soldier! On the western rim of the Glarkan System, for over 200 zhargyears, Groggnart the shapeshifting bounty-bot has been doing all his unsavory bouny hunter activities, and with high productivity. With a single touch, his matter duplication application allows his to take the form of said thing no matter what it is. Those Transformer guys? He eats them up with a side of tapioca pudding and pure badness. Not literally, but still, you know. One day, however, he was assigned by his current employer to go allllll the way to a place called Earth for a job. If there's one thing that Return of the Jedi taught you besides "ewoks don't play," it's that jerky ominous bounty hunters always get their comeuppance. That applies to this, too. After a malfunction in his hovering tech while on said job, he went plummeting down to the surface of Earth below, landing directly on a tin soldier for sale at a holiday garage sale. Now, due to making such intense impact, he is indefinitely stuck shapeshifted as the antique figure, causing shame amongst his fellow criminal folk. I know a collector that would love to get his hands on this guy, but unfortunately he's in a different expanded universe's outer space.

#230: Benny Bigsocks: The Christmas Folk Hero

    Okay, time for the 6th character of ye old 12 Characterz of Christmas: Benny Bigsocks! The holiday season is full of most excellent bearded gents, but one of those gents you probably haven't heard of, not being from the JC-Verse and all: the great American folk legend, Benny Bigsocks. Being the large man that he was, Benny wore shirts big enough to use as winter sheets and gloves big enough to wear as trendsetting hats, but the part of his attire that he outgrew most often was his socks. Ahead of his time as far as recycling, he passed them onto the younglings of his town, for them to grow into over time and wear. But there was one problem with that: the "growing into" part. His squatch-like qualities were not shared by his fellow townspeople, so the kids left the unfunctional footwear lying around. But on Christmas day, the kids woke up to an abundance of knickknacks stuffed in these socks by St. Nick! Ol' Bigsocks began to make a profit off of his own growthspurts, and the traditon of the stocking was born. It's a rock fact! (A shiny doubloon to anyone who gets that reference.)

#229: Gary the Ornament

     Today, my comrades, was my birthday! I am now 14, which fingers crossed is one year closer to my amazing future as a famous filmmaker with a pet half-camel-half-alpaca. Okay, time for the 5th character in the 12 Characterz of Christmas: Gary the Ornament! Think about it: being an ornament isn't the greatest gig. You get your time in the spotlight once every year for a few weeks and are then stuffed back into a box. Not to mention the prickly pine needles poking at you for those several weeks. But Gary is an optimist. So year 'round, he looks at his gig on the branches as a cup of eggnog half full. With a sweetspot on the branch right above Kevin the Heart and to the upper left of the Kringle triplets, this bubbly bauble hums his holiday ditties with glee and waves his imaginary hand at the people of the house as they pass by. (PS, sorry for the black-&-white nature of this post, folks. I'll upload a colored version later, but we're going to see The Force Awakens tomorrow morning, and my mom wants me to get some shut-eye before I have my geek mind completely blown.)

"Hey, guys!" "What." "You wanna hear another classic carol?" "No. Nadda. Never." "Well, if you insist!"

#228: The Keeper of the Globe

     Christmas break has finally begun, friends! Now I can finally focus fully (Holy alliteration, Batman!) on the 12 Characterz of Christmas and start posting them daily. As nature intended. So, without further ado, Christof: the Keeper of the Globe! You probably wouldn't expect that a scruffy old coat-wearing nomad with a snowglobe in hand is one of the most important people in the world. Well, such a man is, and has been for over a thousand years. Allow me to shed some light on this fact. His name is Christof, and for said years he has been intrusted with the position of Keeper of the Globe. Not "globe" as in the enourmous ol' space sphere on which we currently dwell, but as in, well, a snowglobe. No more or less fancy-shmancy than the average one you see sitting atop a shop shelf every holiday season - or the plastic one you snatched up as a last second souvenir on a family getaway. But none of that matters, for what truly does is summed up by a single word displayed on the front of its bronze-colored base. Joy. Inside that snowglobe is the spirit of Christmas itself, the internal glow each non-Scroogey heart experiences when the trees are getting gussied up and your favorite carols are playing on the radio each December. This spirit warms you no matter where you are, and Christof is its guardian, roaming the globe and keeping it safe and sound in his hands. So, if you ever see this man walking down your street, bundled up in his oh-so-familar coat with a globe in hand, thank him for me. The guy deserves it.

#227: Jingles McJustice

     Okay, time for the next character in the 12 Characterz of Christmas: Jingles McJustice! For some people, coal just isn't enough. That's when Jingles comes in. Long ago in the holiday seasons of old (AKA the early 2000s), this diminutive defender once worked as a toy-assembler for our polar pal, Santa Clause. But unfortunately, he was considered a bit too . . . um . . . hard core for the workplace environment, so they let him go. They weren't wrong: apart from his standpoint on naughtiness, he also petitioned to have a newborn reindeer named "Thrashem," and kept taking the liberty to build plastic nunchaku instead of jump ropes. But he was good. He didn't need some cushy job to earn a living, because he knew what really pays in this world. And that's sheer justice. So nowadays, he's taking it to the streets, with a sugary sword in hand and the good fight on his mind. Naughtiness doesn't pay, punks.

#225 & #226: Penguin & Polar Bear: A Most Excellent Duo

    Slap on a preferably oversized Santa hat and stuff an unhealthy holiday goodie into your yaptrap, because it's time for the 12 Characterz of Christmas! Sorry for starting a bit late this year, but a lot of my time was spent setting up the blog's new arcade holiday jams I got via the Youtube channel 8-Bit Universe! SkyStar approves. Anyway, time for our first two characters of the season: Penguin and Polar Bear! The hub of awesomeness in the North Pole may be Santa's workshop, but there is still much tubularness to be found elsewhere. And by elsewhere, of course, I mean the most radical igloo crib of best buddies Penguin Thompson and Polar Bear Nelson! For most of the year, these bros spend their time chowing down on Fish Pops, rockin' the heck out of their weapons of song, and just generally annoying the "square" adult animals of their icy town. But this year is different. While flipping the channels one most chillaxable Christmastime afternoon, they saw a commercial for something they had never seen anything like before. Something called the New Year's Eve celebration in Time Square. A mondo crowd all in one place, on one night, waiting to have their socks blown off by the most triumphant of jams ever performed. They had just met their destiny. So now these below-zero brothers from the most different of mothers are on an excellent quest 'cross the globe, heading to NYC to fullfil their ultimate purpose of rocking the world! Chilly Bros for life, my friends. Chilly Bros for life.

#224: Noah Harkins & The Ectillican Squadron

     I think that, in life, we should all aspire to be as great as the tardigrade, also known as the water bear or moss piglet:

Anyway, speaking of tiny creatures, time for some new characters: Noah Harkins and the Ectillican Squadron! So, let's just assume that all atoms are microscopic solar systems - which they are - and that one of those micro-systems is called Ectillic and is inhabited by a bunch of self-governing, brightly colored creatures - which it is. Then what, per say, would happen if you spontanously woke up one day in this micro-system called Ectillic? No clue. I'm not a mindreader, people. But I can, however, tell you what went down when that happened to self-centered smart guy Noah Harkins! Having acquired Hawking-level fame in the normal-sized world for his elaboration on the modern atomic theory, Harkins was summoned to Ectillic by the local seer, the Wallowatcher, to be the "brains" of the system's first group of leaders: the Ectillican Squadron. At first, the mustachio'd man of science was ticked at his own inability to figure out how the ever-loving crud this was possible. But after getting to know his new teammates and beginning to realize how much bigger - or ironically smaller - the universe is than himself, Noah Harkins joined the Squadron, and their cause of finally bringing order and justice to Ectillic. As well as some serious 'stache game.

(LEFT TO RIGHT: Noah's teammates Zornicc and Shaugg, Noah Harkins in the flesh, another one of his teammates Drallic, and the all-powerful Wallowatcher just passin' through.)

SPIDER-MAN MCU FAN ART BECAUSE I'M OBSESSED.

     I've come to the realization that their isn't enough good MCU Spider-Man fan art out there on the world-wide web (cheesy pun not intended). So, considering I already draw MCU Spidey costumes in my spare time, because I'm too obsessed for my own good, I've decided to post my own official version. Hopefully this will help quench the Civil War thirst. That is, until we all rush madly to the theaters to see it in May.

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#223: Detective Ray Kennicot

     The Mustache Ninja and I have officially started watching the wonderful hypster-trip oddity that is Adventure Time. We're starting from episode one, which sadly means I'll have to wait 3 seasons to watch Lemongrab/learn to impersonate Lemongrab/annoy MN with my impersonation of Lemongrab. Anyway, time for a new, slightly Twilight Zone-esque character: Ray Kennicot! Ray was 38 and he'd never had the pleasure of owning a fancy car, nor had he ever stared up at the towering buildings of the big cities far east. But in his years, he had been body snatched twice, and had once seen a UFO lift a house clean off its foundation up on Solomun Street. These experiences come about when you're the town private investigator; especially when said town is the most peculiar locale the world had never known: Flummox, Texas. The nature of visits from the Skymen had once been so nice, with the occasional coded scribblings in the crops and whatnot to keep those who were watching closely entertained. But something had changed. People were dissappearing, and the lot that wasn't had high possibilities of being controlled by the extraterrestrial sons o' guns. Whether they knew it or not, the townsfolk needed someone willing to get involved, to snoop around where he/she didn't belong to figure out exactly what on Earth was happening. Luckily, that was a skill Ray prided himself on. So from then on Detective Kennicot was hot on the case - and I'd tell you more, but it's his job to snoop, not ours.

THE TIME FOR ANSWERS IS UPON US

     Hey, guys. Remember that fun little time when I posted a scrawny lad named Wiz Clohnson and told you all in an annoyingly cryptic manner that all about him would be revealed later on? Yeah. That was in September of 2014. I hang my head in shame. But now, the answer to the question shall be answered. Ladies and gentlemen, the first issue of my comic, The '05s! I made it last year for the Young Author's Faire, but even after making a relatively swanky trailer for it on here, I never actually posted it. But now that I'll be getting started on issue #2 for the 2016 YAF, and I still have a bunch of copies of the original left over from the 2015 one, I've decided it's just about time to send them out. So that you can see if you're interested, check out the first few pages below - and if you are, pop onto your Gmail and send me a request at jcverse@gmail.com, including your address. Then me and my team (AKA the ol' parents) can send you a copy! All you'll need to do is cover the postage cost. Now, if you exsqueeze me, I'm in the middle of homeschool hours, and math problems won't solve/annoy themselves. Hasta la pasta!

#222: The Exiddion Oak

     Alright, time for a new character: the Exiddion Oak! You may be thinking this is the moment Jacob ran out of characters and decided to dive into the pool of aliveness technicalities, only to bring you a tree with an eye slapped on it. But that, my friends, is not the case. For this post, we're heading back to the ol' Graggul Empire! You may remember them as the guys who conquer the crud out of the planets of the JC-Verse using their mismatched nightmare pets. (Or you may not know what I'm talking about at all and think I'm insane, which is why I've got the handy dandy link above. You're welcome.) Well, these infamous Graggulians must've come from somewhere, right? Right. And that somewhere happens to be an enormous sentient tree! This tree, the Exiddion Oak, resides on their home planet and the capitol of their massive empire, Planet Graggul. There, large pods called Nyoggfruits grow on and fall from its great branches, hatching and releasing newly born Graggulians. Just as ravenous and rotten as your average orcs, all these Graggulians are mentally tethered to the Oak, doing everything it tells them to (including putting their noses to the grindstone to build the refined Parlokks). While squat is known about its origins, or motives for that matter, one thing about the Exiddion Oak is for sure: it will stop at nothing to get all the universe under its control. A lesson to you all: never trust a powerful being with one eye. Alex Hirsch can back me up on this one.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO THE MASSES

     A big, happy Thanksgiving to all and best of luck digesting! Sorry for not posting this until the day after, but I needed to wait it out so I could unleash this victorious Meleagris gallopavo on the world. Enjoy!

FAREWELL TO THE 2ND ANNUAL CHARACTERFEST

     Okay, comrades. Nighttime is upon us, I've gone way past my alotted computer hours set forth by the maternal unit, and now it's time to bid farewell to the fest. Oh, how time flies faster than a winged cheetah. Special thanks to all you awesome readers from across the globe that stopped by the blog and took part in the celebration. You guys most defineitely rock! Also, thanks to my family for putting up with me running back and forth from the computer to the scanner and making a mess of my room with all my art supplies today. They, too, very much rock! I had a whole bunch of fun writing and sketching up a storm for you all, and hopefully I can be lucky enough to add delightful weirdness to the world through such things. Because if I could make the world just a little more like the JC-Verse, that's more than I could ever ask for. :) Happy Characterfest to all, and may you all dream of Britishy sorcerers and Men in Black chasing butterflies. Take it away, Owl City!

MARVEL EARTH 600 4: THE FOUR AWAKENS

     As Characterfest winds down, let us travel far into the future with one of my favorite series to make: Marvel Earth 600! If you missed the three previous installments of alternate reality goodness, I suggest you click on each of their names below to go catch yourself up first:
MARVEL EARTH 600
MARVEL EARTH 600 2: RETURN OF THE FANON
MARVEL EARTH 600 3: THE DEADPOOL COMETH
Now, let's dive into a new future addition of Marvel Earth 600!

• The Four: a group of genetically inhanced super soldiers from Latveria, a grim future nation built on the spot of modern-day North America. Each member of the dystopic quartet commit crimes against the Latverian govenrment, led by the maniacle extraterrestrial Doom, and are taken into custody. When all hope seems lost, a rebellion breaks them out. These rebels, among which are formerly Latverian-employed scientist Harvey "Mole Man" Elder and skilled blind fighter Alicia Masters, know of the group and the bravely defiant acts that landed them in the slammer -- so they offer them a job. With help from Elder they become the Four, the ultimate weapon against Doom, and go on to fight for freedom for years to come.
• Doom: the ruler of Latveria and the son of Avengers foe Ultron Ultraron. After news of Ultron's defeat reaches the planet of Metallius, his followers are outraged and distraught. But once they learn of his young son Doom Ultraron, they realize they still have a chance at conquering the planet of Earth. Years they spend raising Doom to be the ultimate warrior-dictator and master of occult sorcery, and once they finally send him off at the age of 36, he succeeds. He crushes the democracy of the U.S. and builds his own cruel nation in its place, one he names after the Metallian god of war: Latvere. 
• Namor McKenzie: The leader of the underwater colony of ATLANTIS. The colony is founded by his parents, Leonard and Fen McKenzie, as a bubble-enclosed safehaven for those who wish to escape the tyrannical rule of Doom. But after the two pass away, Namor inherits the position of leader. While his parents' hearts had been in providing safety for the people, Namor's is simply in rising up and conquering Latveria. The young ruler wastes hundreds of lives in attacks on the surface world. He eventually comes into conflict with the Four, who find themselves fighting against two radical parties at once.

Alrighty, so that's that for this installment. Tune in next time when we return to the present of Earth 600 - and possibly encounter a dude whose name rhymes with Shmareshmevil.

The Four

Doom

Namor McKenzie

#221: Beatrix Bifrustum

     Okay, I took a break to feast on some taquitos and watch The Librarians, so let's get back to it. Ladies and gentlemen, Beatrix Bifrustum! The JC-Verse has always been a strange place, but in the modern era it has reached a point where a crime-fighting manchild in an owl hoodie getting into a brawl with a greeen-skinned fannypack monster is just your usual Friday. So it only makes sense that some sort of reference point is now needed, an official to help us handle these strange events with more of an understanding. An ambassador to Fantastical Lifeforms, if you will. And apparently you will, because that is the exact position that the United Nations has created, and who better to fill it than Britishy sorcerer chick Beatrix Bifrustum! Coming from a long line of skilled magic users, this eccentric young diplomat has learned about all types of supernatural and extraterrestrial beings in her studies, and is now the world's leading authority on the things we don't understand (which are a lot). Hey, until you guys finally get a female Doctor, I think she'll do quite nicely.

#220: Grumpo von Squiggy

     Okay, time for Characterfest post #3: Grumpo von Squiggy! You've already heard the tale of Captain Super Violet and Flumpers, the Valiunt Heros of Kingdomland, so now it is time to learn more about their mortal enemy and king, Grumpo von Squiggy! The people of Kingdomland were once quite the happy breed, throwing shindigs and munching on the nicest of goodies. But that was before their benevolent king, Happyhoo von Squiggy III, retired to the Bahamas and handed over the torch of kinglihood to his eldest son Grumpo. That, my friends, is when life turned to poop. As king, Grumpo chose to confiscate all of the land's fudge for himself, and only himself, to munch. Why, you ask? Because he's a meanie. We're talking a cut-in-front-of-you-at-the-grocery-store-check-out-without-even-caring meanie. An ask-for-you-to-give-him-a-high-five-and-then-yell-PSYCH meanie. A jumps-out-from-behind-a-bush-and-scares-you-into-dropping-your-rocky-road-ice-cream-cone-on-the-sidewalk meanie! Yeah, folks. That's a big stinkin' meanie. But luckily, his fudge-stealing act of tyranny caught the attention of the Valiunt Heros, who proceded to defeat him and return the fudge to the people. The duo have been foiling his dastardly plans ever since. Life lesson: being a meanie never pays. Stay in school, kids.

ENTERTAINING USELESSNESS FOR THE LOLZ

     Okay guys, while I work on my next Characterfest post, please enjoy this piece of fan art I made mixing one of my favorite Youtube channels with one of the weirdest '80s time travel comedies I've seen. There are a lot. PS, super alpaca points to anyone who gets the obscure references in this picture.

#219: The Men in Black (JC-Verse Edition)

     Okay, I said I would give you something mindless and punny for the next post. Well, this next one isn't super punny, but it is most definitely (and quite literally) mindless: the Men in Black: JC-Verse edition! Robot agents are the thing of tomorrow, they said. They'll be soooo much more efficient than silly human agents, they said. Well, yeah, that's just great, UNDEROO. If only you had waited another, say, 60 years to go through with that little plan, it would've been a real humdinger. Back in the early 50s, the big names up in UNDEROO decided that the best way to combat &/or obtain the fantastical lifeforms of the JC-Verse was to manufacture a new line of fancy shmancy android agents that have since become known as the "men in black." And the problem has already presented itself. No government agents, especially not ones working for something like UNDEROO, should "become known" as anything by the public, because the public should barely even know they exist. But since UNDEROO could only use the 1950s equivalent of advanced tech, they ended up with a line of bumbling bots with horrible spy skills, along with horrible overall "acting like a person" skills. They would discontinue the buggers if they could, but the MiB Workers Union would be on their butts about it. (How they were intellegent enough to form a union, but still can't carry out a mission without getting distracted by a nearby bug, I have no clue.)

CLICK TO ENLARGE

#218: The Being

     Okay, time for our second Characterfest post: the Being. The JC-Verse's Earth is quite well acquainted with fantastical lifeforms of all kinds, but one in particular has left them scratching their heads: the Being. For over 50 years, this shadowy creature has slipped through the backround of many photos, inspiring a plethora of conspiracy theories and a multitude of backwoods hoaxes; and through all this, they've never truly figured out his real deal. But get your tin hats ready, folks, because ol' Jakey McBloggerpants has the answer. In 1947, a group of diplomats from the planet Ieoudinoin boarded a ship to the faraway planet of Earth, planning to make peace with the strange place's inhabitants. The U.S. government, however, had a different idea. Once the ship arrived, the group inside was apprehended and brought to be dissected and studied. But one escaped. And when he did, he discovered that something had stowed away with them on their mission. Zhollowers. Nasty things. Predatorial creatures from Ieoudinoin with the ability to alter their matter and turn into practially any object there is. He could've taken off and let them devour the creatures that had captured his own people. But he knew that he came here to do good, and he still had that chance. This diplomat is the Being, and to this day he has been fighting to keep the vicious Zhollowers at bay for the safety of all creatures on this planet. Yeah, I think you guys deserve some mindless punny-ness after this one.

(LEFT TO RIGHT: the type of vortex that he and his species use for small scale transportation, the Being himself, the Thermal Detection Gun he uses to detect Zhollowers in disguise-mode, and a Zhollower in its natural, nightmare-fueling form.)

#217: The Valiunt Heros

     Now that I've gotten you sufficiently pumped up with some sweet beats, time for the first characters of the day: the Valiunt Heros (this bad grammer will make sense in a minute)! Some crazy crud can happen if you're the child of a Greek god. Just ask any crazed fangirl you run into. But even though the JC-Verse isn't hosting any teenage demigods at the moment, it is home to a little girl named Sanya, who happens to be the daughter of Morpheus (the Greek god of dreams, not Laurence Fishburne). She may seem like a totally normal kid at first glance, but it turns out she inherited a bit of power from her dad: everything she imagines comes to life in her own personal pocket dimension in the universe. And she just so happened to have imagined Captain Super Violet and Flumpers, AKA the Valiunt Heros! These two cartoony questers come from the kingdom of Kingdomland, in a village built atop a giant Shmooozletree stump. When they're not playing kerbubbleball or bustin' out ditties on their kazoos, the two are foiling the plans of their evil king Grumpo von Squiggy and whatever other meanies come their way. (Special thanks to my real-life cartoon character of a friend, Sophie, for inspiring Violet, and to pretty much every animal ever for inspiring Flumpers.)

IT. BEGINS.

     Ladies and gentlemen. Anthropomorphic animals of all shapes and sizes. I hope you remembered to wash your best party trousers, for today is . . . the 2nd Annual Characterfest! I'm awake, I'm ready and I've got my whole insane imagination and a bucket load of fonts at my disposal. Let's get to it! Take it away, Panic! At The Disco!

SORRINESS AND THE WONDERFULLY WACKADOODLE SUNDAY THAT AWAITS YOU

     Hey, guys. I realize that this blog has been a bit, how you say, lacking in the "new post" department this week. And by that, I mean completey without them. At all. Whatsoever. Please accept my meme:

But fear not, my internet-dwelling compadres, for this Sunday I will make up for it. Because this Sunday a strange astronomical anomoly will be taking place, visible from computers and cellular phones all over the globe. And that event just so happens to rhyme with ShmaracterFest. *triumphant music* That's right, this weekend is Characterfest, the holiday where this here blog is jam-packed with new characters, videos and more! There will be Britshy people. There will be fudge. There will be lots of other really cool stuff that I'm gonna shut my pietrap about and let you enjoy when they actually happen. It all goes nuts on November 22nd, 2015! P.S. bring your party trousers and Pringles.

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JACOBOLEON STEPHENSMITE AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS

     In case any of you were wondering how ol' Jakey McBloggerpants spent his Halloween, the answer is parading around the neighborhood with a bunch of delightfully frightening individuals, saying "heck yes!" a lot and breakin' it down in my sweet moon boots. Enjoy:

#216: The Fancy Gent at the Center of the Earth

     I've decided to knock all the shows in the Unholy Quadrangle I haven't seen (AKA everyone except for the greatness that is Gravity Falls) off my TV bucket list. Already did Over the Garden Wall. Next up: as much of Adventure Time as I can binge over a weekend. Wish me luck. Now, time for a new character: the Fancy Gent at the Center of the Earth. You know Earth, right? That big round soggy thing in space that you're probably standing on right now? If so, you've probably also heard some chatter that there's a really hot, melty ball smack dab in the center of it. Well, there isn't. Nor is there a lost land of dinosaurs and adventure, no matter what Brendan Fraser tells you. The time for the truth has come: at the center of the Earth is a snazzy gent, sitting on a love seat, smoking a sophisticated bubble pipe, in a really swag room. And his name is Quinten. Now I know what you're thinking. "But Jacob, they proved there's a molten core with seismological studies and junk!" Well, the government obviously put those fake science facts out there to give the guy some privacy. Imagine if the people knew. The paparazzi would never stop. But as things are now, Quinten is free to chillax in peace, pondering the deep secrets of the universe and having a chuckle over our ignorance. Consider yourself enlightened.

#215: Ashy and Gameboy

     My recap of this week's Agents of SHIELD: I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT. Anywhosers, time for a new pair of characters: Ashy and Gameboy! Even though we ever-lovin warm-blooded humanoids would trade it for a wizarding world anyday, Earth is, in all actuality, a pretty bangin' place. So naturally, in 1990 the government decided to share that bangin'-ness by launching a time capsule full of Earth's colorful history into the cold vacuum of space for aliens to find. And it worked. So now, the people of the West Glimmorrian Star System are mass producing boom boxes, getting perms and otherwise enjoying the human-y lifestyle, and it's absolutely wonderful. Except there's . . . um, one little snag. Well, two. Enter Ashy and Gameboy, the system's most wanted - and oddly enough, most hip. With a rim-poppin' fly-mobile to let them bounce from here to there, this duo are the scurge of the West Glimmorrian, cranking "Smooth Criminal" on their jambox as they break laws like dance. (PS, I was right.)

#214: The Ghost of the Casserole

     I'm back from trick-or-treating! I was Napoleon Dynamite, which required me to meet the demand with an extensive series of "frickin' sweet"s and "Tina, come get some ham"s. Gots to give the people what they want. Anywho, time for another Halloween-y post for you guys: the Ghost of the Casserole! Let this story serve as a cautionary tale to all who are considering becoming a maniacle dictator, including my younger sister. Long, long ago in the JC-Verse of old, Moostáki the Unjust ruled over the European kingdom of Cruelandia and drove his subjects off the mediforical cliff of tolerance. He literally walked all over his people because he believed the ground's germs would tarnish his supreme excellence. He put a kingdom-wide tax on oxygen. But no amount of fantastical face follicles can make up for that much jerkiness, for in the present day his ghost has been reincarnated into a moldy casserole. That's right, guys. Karma don't play. With sliverware arms, spam feet, googley eyes, and a fake stache made of canine fur clumps to replace his old one, this deep dish dictator still attempts to regain his power in the present day USA. Well, at least until Mrs. Sanderson tosses him in the trash.

FANTASTIC FOUR: JACOBIFIED VERSION

     Ladies and gentlemen, a cover of a cover! I love any excuse to do something Marvel related around here, so when I thought of making this, I couldn't resist. Two more debut cover remakes will be coming soon, along with a new installment of my Marvel Earth 600 series, so prepare yourself for the sheer Marvelocity. Excelsior, my peeps!

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213: Yamusuko

     Sorry I'm posting so late, guys. I spent most of today at one of my compadres' houses for his birthday party. I was the guy operating a safe haven upstairs for all the kids who wished to escape the chaos. Anyway, time to get the spookiness started with a new character: Yamusuko! In the yeeeaaar two-thousaannnnnd, the government discovered something that, at a time before blueberry-esque aliens and talking tomboy catttle were landing on Earth, was considered pretty darn abnormal: A supply of living metal deep under da sea. Not "Andy's toys when he's not looking" living, more like "algae you scrape off the side of your pet fishy's tank" living. Nevertheless, the stuff was harvested and used to make cool stuff like exo-suits , but little did they know it had a different purpose. And that purpose was to become this guy. Long ago, the Universal Force of Evil placed the odd alloy on Earth, right off the coast of Japan. One day, it planned to choose a person it believed to be the worst of them all, and place his/her spirit in an armor of that living metal once he/she bit the dust. That indubitably bad being would then rise from the depths as the Yamusuko, an undead warrior of darkness, fighting against goodness for all enternity. Oh, that gosh darn Force of Evil and its needlessly complicated schemes.

#212: Frazzmek the Incarcerator

     I am so stoked for Halloween! I suggested that my dad dress as the great Nacho Libre, but I think he's gonna pass on that. Probably waiting to lose the last of his supply of dignity doing something bigger and more grandiose. Anyway, time for a new character: Frazzmek the Incarcerator! I've shone (shined? shun?) a lot of light on the space-based baddies of the JC-Verse before, but I think its about time I talk about some of the transplanetary do-gooders that have to take them down. But where to find one? Well, look no further than the Zhedway System, where you'll find the no-nonsense Globlob Frazzmec the Incarcerator! The Globlob species isn't exactly known for its agility. Or ability to move in general. That's hunky dory for most of them, but Frazzmec was determined to mop up the scum of his solar system. So, with the help of a handy-dandy set of robot limbs he acquired, he was now able to join the ZAPP Corps and begin his parade of justice. You know someone means business when they dive through the air shooting in slow-motion.

#211: Guyrate the 21st Century Pirate

     Man, this week's Geek Stuff poll is on its last day and it's only got one vote. Where art thou, nerd comrades? Anyway, onto a new character I've been wanting to make for quite a while now: Guyrate, the 21st Century Pirate! First they said the '70s were back in style. Now, Guy Samson is bringing back the 1700s and all the looting and yo-ho-ho that comes with it: he's becoming a pirate. Okay, we're all aware that there are technically pirates nowadays. I mean, yeesh, just type in "I am the captain now" on the interwebs and you'll get plenty of proof. But those guys, they don't know what's up. Our pal Guy here, or "Guyrate" as he now calls himself, means the real pirate. Eye patch? You betcha. Classic pirate ship? Fo sho. Big fancy hat? The fanciest. Scurvy dogs? Oh, you KNOW he's got scurvy dogs. Equipped with a sword and scallyswag for days, Guyrate the 21st Century Pirate is setting trends and receiving strange glances across the seven seas. That's right. He's bringing booty back. *reaches joke nirvana*

#210: The Feels

     Happy belated World Sight Day, guys! My sister just got her first ever glasses, official nerd ones to be exact. She claimed that I have a "strange new aura" now that she can see me in HD. Speaking of the Mustache Ninja, here is a new drawing based on a suggestion by her: the Feels! Of all the creatures in the JC-Verse, few are more common, yet more allusive than the Emotius Overflowium. They are other-dimensional spirits that frequently inhabit those who are experiencing OTP moments of high caliber. They amplify the heart and fog the mind, making you feel as if you must spontaneously combust. In a good way. Usually. Unfortunely, these little guys can only be spotted through fancypants supernatural equipment, but if you want to summon one, carefully select yourself a fanfic and let the magic happen. (Mustache Ninja originally wanted me to make a small monkey or something called Lil' Feelz as the mascot of the fangirl race. Changes were made.)

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THE MITCH HAS ARRIVED (SORT OF)

     Ladies and gentlemen, your first look at the star of my upcoming cartoon NightOwl: Mitch Turley! Sure, it's just concept art, but I made it on my Toon Boom Harmony 12 program, which I consider a victory. TO VICTORY! *smashes plate*

#209: Bartholemew von Venomheim: An Enemy

     Advice: before reading a fan theory on the interwebs, think it through extremely carefully. Because you will be sucked into an endless, addictive wormhole of Reddit and SuperCarlinBrothers if you decide to go through with it. It's a life decision, really. But anyway, time for a long-overdue character that I whipped up on my vacation in Monterey Bay back in the summer: Bartholemu Von Venomheim, an enemy. This guy doesn't have time to get all buddy buddy with some inferior clownfish. He's got bigger plans: Bartholemu Von Venomheim wants to take over the surface world. While all the other anemones sit on their coral, jumping at every fish that passes by like animals, Bartholemu sits at the bottom of the ocean on his scheming rock. There, this putrid polyp works on his Neurotoxinator 3000.6 and plans his conquering of the air-breathing masses. ♪Under da sea, under da sea, this sea dictator will terminate our democracy♪

#208: Enormous Ed Bucklehuck

     Okay, here's a new character: Enormous Ed Bucklehuck! Most tourist landmarks in the US are somewhere along the lines of a world's largest dust bunny or an Oregonian shack ran by an old, fez-wearing gambler. But in the JC-Verse, there's one road-side sight that blows all of those attractions out of the water. And his name is Ed. This guy was once simply a night employee at the local QuickyMick convenience store in Podunk, New Mexico. But one night, when some average desert aliens came darting overhead like the highly-advanced hotshots they think they are, their UFO leaked some shmoozle fuel. Shmoozle fuel that landed directly on Ed while he was at the town stoplight. Immediately turned into a bonafide giant, this most average of Joes was soon launched to star status, bringing in tourists by the ton and putting Podunk on the map. Great for him, not so great for the truck he was in at that stoplight.

(In hindsight, I probably should've sprung for a bigger paper for the guy . . . )

MARVEL EARTH 600 3: THE DEADPOOL COMETH

     Okay, guys. Put on your Iron Man onesie. Grab some popcorn. Collapse into the warm embrace of your beanbag chair. Because it's time for the third installment in my Marvel fanon universe, Earth 600! If you missed the two first installments in which I make Hulk a robot and Captain America even older than he already is, click on this link and this link. Okay, fellow geeks. Let's introduce some new character versions:

• Hank Pym: A freelance inventor in his late 20s attempting to make a difference in a crazy world of super-powered macho men. Which he does. By almost getting it conquered/obliterated. Yes sirree bob, Hank is the one who accidentally lured the metal-skinned space radical known as Ultron Ultraron to good ol' Planet Earth. But thankfully, he was also the one to bring the members of the Earth 600 Avengers together to stop Ultraron, and has been the brains behind the team ever since.
• Waidwill'Sun/The Deadpool: a critically-insane wisecracker and former Watcher. The Watchers' whole deal is that they watch, not get involved - heck, it's in their name. So naturally, that's the first thing Waidwill'Sun did. Exiled by his former co-workers, the "Deadpool," as he now calls himself, hangs out on Earth and occasionally teams up with heroes/villains like the adolescent mystic Stephen Strange. He is also really ticked at this blog's PG rating.
• Stan: not much is known about the being known as Stan, as far as his origins. He is a primordial other-dimensional spirit, residing in the far reaches of space. He is the founder of the Watchers, and surveys all the "stories" of the universe, orchestrating them as he pleases. It is also said that he can be summoned by saying the word "excelsior" three times in a mirror.

 Well, that's it for now. Tune in next time for another weird and wondrous installment in Marvel Earth 600! 600! 600!

Hank Pym

Deadpool

Stan

#207: Bam Boozle

     Okay, here is a new character: Bam Boozle! I don't know if you guys know, but UNDEROO went through a bit of a . . . umm . . . sketchy period at one point. As any organization would if it got secretly taken over from the inside by a snappy-dressed, megalomaniac squid-guy. So during this period, they launched Project Doorway, an attempt to conquer another species' planet, expanding the Man's control. For this, they needed a planet scout. And the scumbag below was happy to oblige. Known throughout the JC-Verse for his shape-shifting abilities and the crimes he uses them for, Bam Bartholomew Boozle was hired by UNDEROO in secret, and infiltrated several planets to find the perfect one. He's basically the Silver Surfer to the Man's Galactus. But that in no way means I will ever make a movie version where the Man is a cloud. I'm crazy, not insane.

#206: The Parlokks of Planet Graggul

     I've been reading up on the Fantastic Four lately, and if they can have their own dangerous species of alien invaders, I reckon the JC-Verse could, too. Only, of course, a much much weirder version. So, time for some new characters: the Parlokks of Planet Graggul! If you walk into a room of aliens from throughout the galaxy and randomly shout out "PARLOKKS!!!", I guarantee you every one of them will either run around in a circle screaming, pull out a weapon, or faint. Please do not test this. Hailing from the edge of the Ka'heegle Star System, the Parlokks were created by the inhabitants of the savage Graggul Empire as a weapon for universal domination. Thanks to sci-fi science that I won't make you sit through the semantics of, these mechanical menaces have the ability to grow an endless count of different creatures' limbs at a time, mix-matching the strength and agility of the entire universe's supply of life. The more I think about it, the more I believe the Graggul Empire must've collabed with Sid from Toy Story when creating these guys.

#205: Darrell the Pygmy Kaiju

     My tech guy (AKA Dad) is still attempting to fix my Toon Boom program. Jedi padawans are too lucky. The Force, that stuff is always working. Although, it might fall asleep on occasion considering the title of the newest movie. Anyway, here's a new character: Darrell the Pygmy Kaiju! Everybody has a dream. For instance, mine is to make people happy with animated movies and eventually have a pet half-camel-half-alpaca named DiAndre. This little guy, however, has a very different ambition: to become the next big movie monster. From the quaint, sea-surrounded sweetspot of Reptiliaki Island, Darrell has always dreamed of stomping in the footsteps of his idol Godzilla. Unlike his older brother Spikes, whose only ambition is to breathe the fiery jams with his cave band HISS. So, once Darrell had his rawr mitzvah, the squirt of a raptor was allowed by his parents to move to Hollywood with his aunt, and has been working on his rise to stardom ever since. He is just starting out on this path, but you can still watch him as Dragonling #4 on the season premiere of Game of Fancy Chairs.

(Darrell practicing his rampage skills.)

THE PICKLE & PEANUT THEORY

     I may never be the same, guys. Why? Because I have witnessed something so weird, although oddly visionary, that it makes Star vs. The Forces of Evil look like an encyclopedia. The something is called Pickle & Peanut. I struggle to find a way to explain how this show is an existing thing. But It looks like me and Materna-Tron (my mom) have developed the perfect theory for what this show is:
Pickle & Peanut is from the Napoleon Dynamite Universe, and created by Napoleon himself.
Think about it for a second. One of the two main characters, Pickle, is voiced by Jon Heder. Napoleon believes himself to be an artist, explaining him going down the career of animation years later. Napoleon lives with his grandma and the second episode is about grannies. Plus, the ND Universe is the only place a show that weird would fit in. I dare you to watch the show yourself and find more connections. There's aplenty. Hasta la pasta.