#216: The Fancy Gent at the Center of the Earth

     I've decided to knock all the shows in the Unholy Quadrangle I haven't seen (AKA everyone except for the greatness that is Gravity Falls) off my TV bucket list. Already did Over the Garden Wall. Next up: as much of Adventure Time as I can binge over a weekend. Wish me luck. Now, time for a new character: the Fancy Gent at the Center of the Earth. You know Earth, right? That big round soggy thing in space that you're probably standing on right now? If so, you've probably also heard some chatter that there's a really hot, melty ball smack dab in the center of it. Well, there isn't. Nor is there a lost land of dinosaurs and adventure, no matter what Brendan Fraser tells you. The time for the truth has come: at the center of the Earth is a snazzy gent, sitting on a love seat, smoking a sophisticated bubble pipe, in a really swag room. And his name is Quinten. Now I know what you're thinking. "But Jacob, they proved there's a molten core with seismological studies and junk!" Well, the government obviously put those fake science facts out there to give the guy some privacy. Imagine if the people knew. The paparazzi would never stop. But as things are now, Quinten is free to chillax in peace, pondering the deep secrets of the universe and having a chuckle over our ignorance. Consider yourself enlightened.