#86: Howie

Here's my new character: Howie. Years ago, in the days of yore (you know, the '60s), a capsule shot down from the skies and landed on tropical Kipuchi Island. When U.N.D.E.R.O.O. came to the scene and opened the capsule, inside it was none other than the strange illuminating broseph you see before you. Everyone in the agency was befuddled. Is it an alien? A mutant? The lovechild of a sea urchin and a Minion? Over the years of tagging along with them on various spy-y activities, they've managed to grow attached to the little guy. So now, even if he's by any chance a member of a species of dangerous aliens, they don't really care. Because if so, he's a pretty dang cool one. (Plus, he's great at catch. As the ball, of course.)

#85: Cluck Buckeye

Okay, here's my new character: Cluck Buckeye. Everybody knows that if you have fur, scales, or feathers, you'll be waking up to Channel ROAR's #1 morning talk show, Dawn! With Cluck Buckeye. Live from Studio B (for Barn, of course) at Farmfeller Plaza, this mug-slurping, feed-pecking anchorbird informs the world of such important news as MC Hammerhead telling Skrilla Gorilla "It's on, yo." He's kind of a big deal.

!ANNOUNCEMENT!

Hey, guys. I have big news: the blog has a new poll! Now you can vote on monthly questions posted by yours truly. Don't worry, I won't be asking you what your "spirit animal" is.

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #7

(#84, 2014.)

#84: The ORIGAMINATOR

Hey guys, here's my new character: The ORIGAMINATOR! (Only to be said in a heavy metal voice.) Origami-folding nerds Jackie Kataki, Borris Nuseman, and Jenn Rockberg were the objects of ridicule for bullies at Angleberger Middle School. Spitballs were a-comin' from all sides. But one day, the group opened a secret compartment in the Origami Club's meeting room, only to find dusty blueprints, REALLY big paper and a message: "Fold it and you will prevail." So they took the prints, followed the instructions and made -- you guessed it -- the ORIGAMINATOR!!! Now, they use this paper-bot to protect their fellow nerds and send bullies running for the hills. You know how they say the pen is mightier than the sword? So is the paper.

#83: Joe Cameo

Okay, tonight I see Captain America: The First Avenger and get to watch the guy I pretend to be whenever I throw a Frisbee. But until then, I think this will keep me busy. Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Cameo! Very little is known about this guy, except for the fact that if you watch a movie all the way through, you will at some point see him. He's a professional cameo-maker! Don't be surprised. It's an art. Making sure you're on the scene in the right place at the right time is tough. (You gots to be shifty.) So, next time you watch something on your TV, watch out for the guy in that Big Foot T.

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #6

(#65, 2014.)

#82: Clonees

 

Hi, guys. I have unfortunate news: my previously mentioned eraser, RexTangle, has been torn in half and is now at the big clipboard in the sky. He was an honorable, rubbery man. Some people, mainly my sister, might say it's weird to have a funeral for an eraser. I don't think so. Anyway, time for the drawing that has taken up all my time for the past weekend: the Clonees. Of the 13 Divisions of U.N.D.E.R.O.O., one of the most interesting is the Security Division. No, it's not a bunch of Patton Oswalts giving out lanyards. As awesome as that would be, it's actually made up of these guys! Back in the ancient 1990s, the original Clonee, identified as "Joe," crash-landed in the desert. After studying Joe, U.N.D.E.R.O.O. decided that with his indestructible body structure, his species would be perfect to guard the agency's most important H.Q.s. So, without further ado, they started making clones of him and placing them at all of their buildings (hence the name) and now, they're a vital part of the agency's structure. They also make great boy bands, which you could probably guess if you've watched Gravity Falls.

REALITIZED WEBSTER

#81: M.A.C.S.

After having the account since April, I have now finally posted some stuff on Twitter. I put on some comical drawings I made, tweeted about Gravity Falls season 2, and hashtagged hashtag. I guess I was wrong that hashtagging that would make the internet blow up. Hindsight's 20/20. Anyway, time for my new character: M.A.C.S., the Military Attack Cell System. In 4053 A.D., mankind had become just about useless. No offense. So, to protect the U.S., the future replacement of U.N.D.E.R.O.O., called the Universal Network Dispatching Earthly and Extraterrestrial Super-spies (U.N.D.E.E.S. -- they really aren't making it better), created these futuristic order-taking droids to do the job. But after the 4114 Apocalypse, all M.A.C.S. seemed to have been destroyed. Leave it to #65: Zero to find the only single one left just by looking down. After pressing its pod-form activation button, it was Zero & M.A.C.S, post-apocalypse pals, trying to figure out their trashed new Earth. If you're wondering how WALL-E comes into this, that's a different universe.

     (Follow me at @JacobFStephens on Twitter.)

#80: Doctor Zedock

PICTURE #2

PICTURE #1

 Okay, here's my new character: Doctor Zedock. Meet Octavius P. Zedock, famed 1900s inventor in charge of the annual St. Monocles Thingamajig Faire, bound by his trusted wheelchair and surely incapable of malicious activities. This is what picture #1 tells you. Now, direct your attention to picture #2 as I will let you get your initial reaction of "WHaSAMAhAAAAH?!" out of the way. Now, for the interesting part. What the people don't know is that Zedock is also the leader of the nefarious mad scientist society of Vapor Est Malum (Latin for "Steam Evil" according to Google Translate). So, when he told the people that he was unveiling a world-changing invention at the Faire, everyone was expecting a freeze ray or something, not him with a bunch of wires implanted in his vanes, ready to conquer the masses. But luckily, The Magnificent Twimbley was able to sufficiently butt-kick Zedock before his planned world-domination was carried out. (Character's name thanks to Victorian and Steampunk Name Generator of Oobleck.com, one of, if not the weirdest named website ever made.)

#79: The Mustache Ninja

Okay guys, you all know my sister and how her nickname on the blog is the Mustache Ninja, right? Well, she was urging me to reserve her the spot as character #100. That spot's already booked, so we came to a compromise. We're going #79. There are thirteen divisions of U.N.D.E.R.O.O. -- field, weapons, tech, etc. -- but when the rest of them can't hack it, there's only one division to call: the ninja division. Yep, I'm serious. But this post isn't about the division, no, it's about one of the best agents it has. You guessed it ... Agent Mustache Ninja. Armed with smoke bombs and shampoo, she's a lean, mean, follicled machine, chillin' like a villain and stachin' up the scene. (She better like this.)

(Mustache courtesy of Mr. Myfolliclez.)

#78: Areo

Okay, guys. Long story short, I found a Chuck E.Cheese token from 2000 sitting on the floor of Target and now I'm lucky as a leprechaun. I don't want to jinx it, so all I'm saying is there was free T.G.I. Fridays food, a Stanley Cup win and Iron Man for 4 bucks on DIRECTV. I guess that wasn't very short. Oh well, here's my new character: Areo. Endless runner games are fun, addictive and occasionally Minion-themed. But one thing they also are is part of the Virtuallity, the video game dimension. One of these games happens to be Dashadizi and its star happens to be Areo, right-hand man of #69: SkyStar. Created by HoshiNoshiCo., this anime marathoner darts all over the Digitals Region, gaining coins and strangely never getting tired. これに触れることができない! That's Japanese for "can't touch this." (Google Translate, I hope you were right.)

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #5

What better way to celebrate the L.A. Kings winning the Cup than with a little dose of Arctic Eddy.

(#52, 2014.)

#76 & 77: Jostlewick & Spyser

"As of today, my comrades, the world is solemnly safe from strangeness, spookems and such." - Julius Spyser

                                 

Okay, it's the perfect time to blog since my sister-accomplice, Mustache Ninja, finished the school year and is now collapsed on the sofa, watching random shows with her stuffed dog Bucky. Here are my new characters: Jostlewick and Spyser, the founders of U.N.D.E.R.O.O. Back in October 1902, people ran in fright as amazin' mutant raisin Twimbley and the beard-sporting villain, Doctor Zedock, were locked in a duel at the St. Monocles Thingamajig Faire. Isaac Jostlewick, a marvelously moustached engineer, heard of the battle, as did U.S. general Julius Spyser. The two teamed up, assembled the soldiers, and high-tailed it to Missouri to handle the brouhaha. After Zedock got his rusty heine wooped and it was all said and done, the two decided that with these peculiar things out in the JC-Verse, the world needed protecting. So, on that day, the 'stache-y duo got together and founded the Universal Network Determining Events of Rather Odd Origins, beginning 112 years of future spy-iness. Hasta La Pasta, Gravity Falls is calling.

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #4

(#49, 2014.)

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #3

(#47, 2014.)

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #2

(#4, 2013.)

#75: The Magnificent Twimbley

Okay, here's my new character: The Magnificent Twimbley. Back in 1900, the gear-turning, top hat-wearing era we now call Steampunk was in full swing. But in St. Monocles, Missouri, a laboratory (I was gonna say "lab," but I'm going 1900s) was doing an experiment. One of the "IT'S ALIVE!" variety. The scientists took a raisin and injected it with toxic Ozotonium, then implanted DNA from the late katrillion-aire futurist Charles Gravenger -- and Yoda knows what else -- and EGAD! They got Twimbley. The sharp dressed mutant escaped the lab in a moustache-y flash, then traveled around the states, going on escapades and saying "By Jiminy!" a lot. He also happens to be distantly related to the California Raisins. How do I know that? Heard it through the grapevine.

STRAIGHT FROM THE JC-VERSE #1

(#8, 2013 & #9, 2014.)