#251: The Rainbow Barons

(Displayed above: one of the most successful Rainbow Barons, Mr. Seamus McSpudhigh IV. Roughly to scale.)

     Okay, this one's pretty long, so I'll just skip the prologue and get straight to the good stuff. Here's my new character (or characters, more accurately): the Rainbow Barons! Where do leprechauns get their gold? It's a question I doubt you've ever pondered, but one so obvious now that I've pointed it out. Did they win their riches through high-stakes gambling just for the thrill? Are they really the glorified beach hobos of the Emerald Isle and acquired their stash via their trusty metal detectors? Well, I, as a self-proclaimed 98.2% accurate source, just so happen to have my own explanation. So gather 'round the metaphorical campfire, friends, and let me tell you a tale. A tale of capitalism. Our bite-sized green grumps actually earn their gold coins, and originally did so through the shoemaking bizz. It was a modest income, sure, but leprechauns are frugal folk, so they made a decent living. But as time passed by, there came a day when peddling kicks just wasn't cutting it anymore. The economy was changing, and those no-good shlubs the Clurichauns weren't helping either with those loans they'd never repay. But then, a few leprechauns heard through the grapevine that the humans yonder west were working on a little something-something called transcontinental railroad. And the leprechaun community just so happened to have undisputed ownership over a little something-something called rainbows. An idea hath taken shape. And after some nifty business semantics I don't care to lull you to sleep with, that idea became a multicolored reality. Those few--and eventually many more--lucky lep's stepped into the future of business as the Rainbow Barons, turning rainbows into the essential source of transportation for mythical creatures everywhere--as well as a SUPREME source of pot-filling riches to this day. Speaking of, here's a tidbit for you: modern leprechauns have OUTGROWN pots o' gold. They keep all earnings in offshore Swiss bank accounts, for convenience and to make certain we pesky tall folk don't catch on. Cue "The More You Know!"